I want to talk about verbal/emotional abuse.   I didn’t know what it was at first.  I thought that I was just becoming too sensitive and could not handle my self the way I should or maybe I wasn’t smart enough to say and do the right things as his wife.  I thought that I was going crazy because I would scream and cry when I was alone because if I did it in front of him or tried to defend myself his anger would become so much worse.  Let me state this clearly that he never ever hit me or laid a hand on me.  It was always implied however.  That was what tortured me the most was always this unspoken threat of what might would happen if he became even more angry and it terrified me. When he would get angry he would (what I call) rage at me for hours.  Going on and on about what I had done wrong, twisting and turning it making me wish I was smarter or could have known how to say or do whatever it was I had not done right.  I remember one night he was angry at something I don’t recall what it was.  He had been raging and angry for a couple hours and I was exhausted.  I was exhausted from defending myself and the long day and needed to go to work the next morning.  I turned the light off and told him lets just try to calm down and go to bed.  I got into bed and he flipped the light on in my face and said he was not finished.  He then said he would finish after he took a shower.  While he was in the shower I went and made a bed on the floor of the baby’s room thinking he would leave me alone and let me sleep if I was in there.  I drifted off and then I felt eyes on me and breathing.  When I opened my eyes he was inches from my face.  It scared me to death.  He coldly whispered that he was not finished with me and if I wouldn’t come back into our room he would drag me back in there.  I started whispering/begging to let me sleep and finish it the next day but he grabbed the corners of the blanket and proceeded to drag me.  He got about half way and I heard the baby stir.  I did not want the little one to wake up! So I got up, head hanging and followed him back into the room.  I don’t remember what happened after that.  I just remember the deep broken bruised spirit as I walked out of that room.  I didn’t know it was abuse becaue I didn’t have physical proof but I later realized it for what it truly was.  Victims of abuse have a very deep need to be validated! They want people to see that they are not this horrible person the abuser wants you to think you are and terrified that just that is the way the world will view them and even more terrified that the world will see the abuser as the victim! You have to realize, though, that abuse is abuse no matter what form.  It is about one controlling the other.  I posted the video of a clip from the end of the movie “Labyrinth”.  I actually love the movie but this is a very good example of what emotional and verbal abuse looks like.  If you watch the clip you notice that the king originally plays the victim makes her feel like she is ungrateful for all he’s done even though the things he’s done have actually been against her.  But next is the big part of the contradiction of abuse.  He says to let him rule her.  He says to do as he says and he will be her slave.  That can not happen it is the opposite.  You can not have both because one will always be in control and dominate the other.  Also and this is the really important part especially when comparing it to spousal abuse is how he says to fear him and love him! Please please think about this verse! 1 John 4:18 NIV “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”  You can’t have fear of that person and recieve love! It is not what real love is.  Real love is what I talked about in previous post.  It is real caring and real respect.  God wants you to feel His love!  He does not want you to be treated this way.  If you have any questions or need advice please email me and I, with God’s help, will do my best!  info@blendermom.me