Priorities, respect, and the marriage wheel of bliss-Part 2

In my last post I talked about putting God 1st.  Today I’m thinking about priority #2, your husband and your marriage.  In Ephesians 5:22 NLT it says ” For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord” and in verse 25 it says “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her”.  I know most of you have heard these verses numerous times and most of you don’t really like them. You may think that to submit means to bow down and be a door mat.  I don’t think that’s what it says at all!  I think to submit means to respect, honor, and support. Have you ever noticed that it’s easy for women to love freely?  In fact, it’s that love that some times gets us hurt because we do tend to fall in love with all our heart.  However, have you noticed how absolutely hard it is as a woman to respect and show honor to our men.  It feels almost like we are showing weakness.  Now, have you noticed that it is easier for men to show respect and honor to those they value and care for but yet not very easy for a man to love selflessly?  To them it may feel like weakness or vulnerability.  I trully feel like that is why Jesus commanded husbands and wives the way he did in the bible.  Jesus showed his love for the church by serving and loving unconditionally.  He ultimately gave his own life because of that love.  He commands husbands to love their wives with that kind of love.  He didn’t need to command them to respect and honor because that was something that comes more easily as a man.  Jesus commanded wives to respect/honor/support their husbands because there was no need to command them to love selflessly because that comes easier for us!  So now get your boots on cause we are going to dig deep now and talk about respecting our husbands!


Emeron Eggerich, author of the book, Love and Respect (which is a great book btw), says “Women need Love.  Men need Respect.  It’s as simple and compicated as that!”

I have learned the hard way by making mistakes in my previous marriages that love and respect go hand in hand like the pic above shows.  It’s like a cycle or wheel.  Love feeds respect feeds love and your wheel is turning and moving forward.  Ego, to feel he is successful, great, needed is a very deep need in a man’s life.  The nesting instinct, to make a place for her to belong and be herself and loved unconditionally is a very deep need in a woman’s life.  Respecting, honoring, and supporting your husband feeds this need in him.  My husband, when I met him, was beat down to an all time low.  He was trying to start over but so far was floundering, hurt, and confused.  I started supporting him and telling him that he was a good man, that he was strong and smart and capable.  He went back to school.  It was hard and we had to sacrifice but I knew that in order for our marriage to work, he had to feel like he could succeed.  He had to feel good about himself and feel that he could provide for us.  The more he provided for us and felt more confident about who he was, the deeper his love grew for me and it showed because I helped him get there. I helped him be better.  The deeper his love shown for me, the stronger I felt that he was the greatest man in the world.  He would tell me (and still does all the time) how wonderful I am, how much he loves me and how beautiful I am.  Ladies, he tells me I’m beautiful even on the days I felt dirt was more beautiful.  I feel more and more safe and loved not matter what.  Do you see the wheel turning moving moving forward as one feeds the other?  That is the marriage wheel of bliss and when that is turning in the right direction, your marriage is going in the right direction.  Jesus knew exactly what the heart of the matter was when He talked about wives and husbands.  You make your husband a priority by respecting and supporting him.  You make your marriage a priority by working on keeping your marriage wheel of bliss turning in the right direction.  In the blender, that is more important because statistics show that subsequent marriages are much more likely to fail than the first.  Making your marriage a priority makes you stronger for your kids.

In my next blog I am going to talk about abuse and how love and respect are NOT a part of that!  The above only works if you are married to a good person!

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