I fought for three years to stay in an abusive marriage. I thought that God wanted me to stay and that it was best to not break up my family for my child’s sake. My reasoning was that he never hit me so maybe this is all in my mind anyway, right? I mean every cruel condescending word that felt like a blow to my soul and hiding in the bathroom praying that God would calm him down because I didn’t know what was coming next wasn’t abuse, right? The answer is YES! You are being emotionally and verbally abused. We all can technically be abusive from time to time but what defines the relationship as abusive is that it is a pattern of abusive behaviour used over and over again. Alot of christians feel that the bible doesn’t really talk about abuse but I think it does. Do I think God wants you to stay in an abusive marriage? I believe NO He does not! However I do believe that the decision is not to be taken lightly! God doesn’t like divorce but he doesn’t like abuse either. When trying to decide you should take steps first on empowering yourself on the inside by really working on your personal faith and relationship with Him. He has His timing on everything and letting Him lead your steps will bring more peace to you even along this hard road that you are on. I have included some excerts from a blog that really clarifies what the bible has to say about abuse. If you have time please click on the link and read the entire post.
Here is an excert from an article written by Danni Moss in which I think she explained very clearly:
“Jesus stated the purpose of His coming in Luke 4: 18,19.
“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, To preach the acceptable year of the Lord.”
Jesus came for the purpose of healing the brokenhearted, delivering captives, and liberating those who are bruised. That perfectly describes the condition of someone who is being abused in their marriage. Jesus came to rescue people from abusive relationships!”
She goes on to say:
“Nowhere in the Word is there a place where God applauds or supports abuse. In fact, abuse is inherently opposite to God’s nature. If believers are made new creatures in Christ and partakers in His nature, how can we possible justify or excuse abusive behavior by someone bearing the name “Christian?” If we assume an abusive spouse is not a believer (which may, in fact, be supportable by Scripture) is a Christian abused partner expected by God to remain in that abusive relationship? The answer is still no. A Christian does not enable another person to continue in sin. By remaining in an abusive marriage, a Christian sends the message that the abusive behavior is acceptable – and affirms the abusers sin.” (This is the link to the complete article http://dannimoss.wordpress.com/articles/abuse-in-the-christian-home/does-god-… )
Please read the entire article because it is very good stuff and goes on to explain further steps to take as a christian in that type of situation. Seek counseling from a pastor or professional for yourself. If you are in an abusive situation the chances are your partner does not want you talking about your marital problems but it helped me realize my own God given strength. If you can get your partner to go then go together, but be careful that you choose someone that has worked in abusive situations because the dynamics of this kind of relationship are very differenct than just a normal troubled marriage! Take steps to try to make your marriage work if there is no physical threat to you or your children. If you leave, you want that to be the last resort and you will need the peace of mind that you did all that you could to stay. I love Isaiah 53:5 NIV “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.” Jesus died for you to have peace and healing. He wants that for you and your family. When you are trying to make the hard decisions, hold onto that. With every decision, ask yourself if that decision will bring peace and healing.