So on social media here lately I have been seeing a lot of post on rules for dating my daughter but not very much on dating my son. I decided to come up with my own for dating my amazing sons so listen up gals!
Category: Uncategorized
Purposefully Made
“We are a product of our past but we don’t have to be prisoners of it.” -Rick Warren The Purpose Driven Life.
My daughter came home one day from school very upset and crying. For several months another girl at school seemed to love to gossip and talk about her which she would just let roll off her back. I know for a fact she had tried to make peace with this gal more than once and I was really proud of her for it because I know that with her being so much like me, it really bothered her to be talked about like that when she had tried to be decent and cordial to the girl. However, on this particular occasion she was extremely hurt and affected by her words. She shared with me that this gossip girl had been saying nasty things about me and the fact I had been married three times. I knew that this day would eventually come. I knew that at some point, my children would suffer the consequences of my mistakes and being teased or put down for it was to be expected. This is not a situation that every child will face. This is a situation exclusive to the families that are not considered “normal”. This is what children face from broken homes and it breaks my heart because the situation is not their fault but they still have to suffer the consequences. I’ve talked before about the best we can do for our kids in a blender is be as stable as we can in this “not-so-stable” situation. I talked with her and told her how sorry I was that she had to be hurt like that, that our situation, our family is what it is. We absolutely cannot change the past but we can definitely look to God to shape our future. I told her that I am secure in who I am today and have grown and learned so much more about who I was created to be through all the heartache and pain. All I can do is be the best mom, wife, and christian woman I can be from here on out. I have been honest with her about my mistakes and talked with her about making better choices when it comes to marriage and relationships. I told her that she should never let them make her feel less or that something was wrong with her because, most importantly, I reminded her that God created her with a purpose in mind and she should try and strive to fulfill His purpose. (Ephesians 2:10 “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”)
I was able to really talk to her about these things also, I too, have been made to feel that way. I have been excluded, looked down on, and made to feel ashamed and less than others. I felt like that up until I realized that not only had God forgiven me but I had to learn to forgive myself. Please read a previous blog post about forgiveness if this is an issue you are struggling with about your past entitled “New Year Old Past”… Don’t ever forget that God made you for a purpose too!
I’ve Been Nominated for a Liebster Blog Award!!
I have been nominated for a Liebster Blog Award! I am so excited for the nomination and want to thank Catalina for nominating me! Check out her blog here: http://zamoracatalina.wordpress.com/ She writes about being 40 and single again. Catalina, you rock girl!
Part of the process is I have to tell 11 things about myself and then answer 11 questions posted by the one who nominated me so here goes.
About Me:
I love the Lord with all my heart. I love being a mom and I’m good at it. I am madly in love with my husband and we talk about how we both get butterflies when we are with each other. I love bacon!! I have a slight obsession with buying new flip flops but I work hard to not go crazy and keep it in check. Some things that many may not know about me is that I have been playing the piano by ear since I was 3 1/2 years old (I had to reach up to reach the keys) and I have been writing songs since I was in the 4th grade. Obviously I love to write. I cannot draw, even my stick figures don’t look right. My favorite color is red. I have a small 8lb maltipoo named Brady that is our baby and we have taught him to wait for us to say the blessing before he eats and also to ring a bell when he needs to go outside. Now I will try to answer the questions.
1. How old were you when you had your first kiss? I was 14. (I did have a boy, a very close friend, give me a smack on the lips at the age of 5 but don’t think that counts.)
2. Did you grow up in a home with both parents? Yes and my parents have been married for 42 years.
3. Do you believe in reincarnation? No but I do believe in Salvation.
4. Do you believe in heaven and hell? Yes
5. What is your favorite cinema movie ever? I actually have a thing for old black & white movies like “A Tree Grows in Brooklyn” and “Rebecca” and so many more, but a cinema movie would be “Pride & Prejudice”, “Return to Me” & “Signs”.
6. What song would you like played at your funeral? An old song written by Bill & Gloria Gaither called “Something Beautiful”
7. What one word describes you? Unselfish
8. What is your astrological sign? Sagittarius
9. What is the one quality that you want most in the opposite sex? Integrity
10. What is the one thing that you feel you should change about yourself? I procrastinate and I hate that!
11. What movie star do you resemble most (you have to answer this)? I have been told I look a little like Helen Hunt, Kate Hudson or a young Barbara Mandrell, however I am going to say Smurfette.
Now I am supposed to nominate some blogs that I feel deserve this award. Here are some that I think are definitely worth reading:
http://thebyrdhouseblog.wordpress.com
http://ournewpartyofsix.wordpress.com/
http://ablendx9.wordpress.com/
http://pastorbv.wordpress.com/
http://aliendad.wordpress.com/
Now these nominees need to tell 11 things about themselves, answer my questions and then nominate blogs with less than 200 followers that they feel deserve to be nominated as well as include a link to my blog for the nomination. (hey I don’t make the rules, I just follow them).
Here are my questions for the nominees:
- What is your favorite color?
- What is your favorite food?
- What is your inspiration for writing your blog?
- Who is your biggest supporter of your blog?
- What is your best character trait?
- What is your worst character trait?
- What do you feel is your greatest achievement/success so far in your life?
- What song would you like played at your funeral?
- Name the funniest movie you have ever seen?
- What is your favorite holiday and why?
- What is the one main thing you want readers to get from your blog?
It has been such an honor to be nominated. I hope that my readers take from my blog a sense of empowerment and that you are not alone.
The Integrity of Potting Soil
I have some new spring flowers to plant so I went to a brand new hardware store that just opened a few weeks ago in our community yesterday. There were about 10 workmen working on building wooden displays just outside the store for their gardening area and in the middle of all the cords, saws, wood, and men was the display of potting soil. I went inside and got the young sales girl to walk with me outside to help with which type I should purchase. After deciding, I tried to pick up the bag, which was wet from the rain for the last several days as well as weighed about 40lbs. She volunteered to carry it but she struggled more than me. Finally she said I could go in and pay for it and then drive up closer to get my soil. After paying and driving my car up to the curb, I walked back through the work zone, and struggling, managed to hoist the wet bag to the car. Struggling again, I got the car door open while balancing my burden on one propped up leg and finally dropped it onto the front seat. I literally worked up a sweat! I became more and more angry on the drive home. There were 10 or more men working right there, some were busy and some stopped to stare even, but not a single one offered to take less than a minute of their time to put the heavy bag in my car for me. It really got me to thinking about integrity.
Is it just me or does it seem that boys aren’t raised to have integrity these days or to be gentlemen. We have talked with our kids, particularly our boys about having integrity. We have explained that integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is looking. We have done devotions and family prayer time on it as well. I really want my boys to know that being a gentleman means conducting yourself with integrity. We also have a young teen daughter and the things boys have said to her or around her were unimaginable in my day. Oh I am sure that issues and topics haven’t changed all that much but it seems that there are no boundaries or respect in society today. It’s the “it’s all about me” or “if it feels good” mentality.
Now think about what potting soil is used for… It is to create a safe nutrient rich environment in order for plants to thrive and grow to be their best. That is exactly what I want to do for my children. I want to be what they need to help them flourish. I want them to automatically do for others. I want them to see opportunities, even those small gestures such as carrying a bag of potting soil and take them without having to think about it. I want it to become part of who they are, not because of how others will view them on the outside but because of who they are in their heart and in their spirit. If more parents would really focus and invest time in becoming great potting soil for their kids just how much better an environment would be created for our children so they don’t just grow up to be adults but grow up to thrive and flourish. Proverbs 22:6 NLT “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Heavenly Father, help me as a mom and bonus mom be the soil that my children become rooted and grounded in honor, respect, and integrity so that they will bloom and flourish into what You have created them to be.
“Children are not casual guests in our home. They have been loaned to us temporarily for the purpose of loving them and instilling a foundation of values on which their future lives will be built.” Dr. James Dobson
Amazing like God
So this past Sunday was Mother’s Day and as a mom and bonus mom, it was a great day. My kids showered me with lots of hugs, kisses, and “I love yous”. My youngest son still holds a bit of a soft spot in my heart because he is still at that age where I don’t embarrass him. He loves for me to hug him and hold his hand in public, say prayers and tuck him in at night, and write notes on his napkin in his lunch box. He drew me a special card that spelled out the letters in my name and described me. The very last letter of my name is ‘A’ and he wrote about me: “A is for amazing like God”. Other things were “nice as a flower” and “cute as a dog” but wow! “Amazing like God”. It got me thinking about the example I am to my son and my children. Those are some really big shoes to fill!
Webster’s definition of amazing: amazement, great wonder and surprise. The definition of God: the Being perfect in power, wisdom, and goodness who is worshiped as creator and ruler of the universe; a person or thing of supreme value. To me, my son thinks that as a mom, I bring wonder and amazement to his life as someone who is in authority with wisdom and goodness in his life. Proverbs 31: 28,29 NLT “Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her. There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!”
Heavenly Father, how do I ‘surpass them all’? How do I set that example of how a Godly mother should be? How can I truly be amazing as a mom? And God seemed to speak to my heart. It is by teaching him the commands of God about ‘loving thy neighbor’, ‘honoring thy father and mother’, and ‘putting God first in everything’. It is by tucking him in at night and praying with him. It is showing him my love with those hugs and kisses. It is leaving those little notes on his napkin in his lunchbox. It is by doing those things we do as moms that can make us amazing and wise and good in the eyes of our children.
Take it a step further and extend that to your bonus sons and daughters. Try to show them love, affection, wisdom and goodness. Be an example of what a Godly christian woman, wife, and mother should be in your home so that you can strive to be “Amazing like God” to your hand-picked God-given precious family! Deuteronomy 6:6,7 NLT “And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.”
Broken & Blessed
I can’t believe that this week I will be celebrating 5 years of marriage with my wonderful husband. It seems like it was only yesterday we were married and yet we have been through so incredibly much! I remember in a previous marriage I was married for 7 years and yet it felt more like 20 years. I’ve written about that experience in a few previous blogs but you can read this one to get an idea https://blendermom3.wordpress.com/2012/10/05/abuse-is-abuse/. Obviously it was a very dark time for me. I learned so much about myself as a Christian woman, mother, and wife after I got away from that situation and started to heal. I felt like I had fallen into a deep dark hole. I felt like I was made wrong. I felt inadequate. I felt broken in my soul. I could say that it was all in God’s plan but I honestly do not think it was His Will for me to marry that man. However, guess what? God takes our mistakes and what little we give him and uses them for His purpose anyway! I heard this in a sermon by Bishop T. D. Jakes. In Mark 6:41 NLT “Jesus took the five loaves and two fish, looked up toward heaven, and blessed them. Then, breaking the loaves into pieces, he kept giving the bread to the disciples so they could distribute it to the people. He also divided the fish for everyone to share.” Rev. Jakes revealed in that scripture that God broke it. Then, God blessed what was less than enough. Lastly, God multiplied what was broken. Wow!! Take a minute to let the Reverend’s words sink in! God broke it. God blessed it. God multiplied it. Through all the pain and brokenness God took what little I gave him and blessed me and gave me a heart to share these experiences in hopes it might touch others. He gave me three beautiful children to teach them about God’s amazing love and he gave me a sweet loving husband that I can serve right along side and together to try and be an example of that amazing love is to our children. Read that scripture and think on those words. Try and think on even in those darkest times when it’s hard to see it that there is a blessing waiting. When you feel like you are broken in your soul like I did, God will still bless what is not enough and make it more than enough.
Small Words Big Meaning
Have you ever noticed how the smallest words seem to have the biggest meaning? Words such as “love”, “care”, “hate”, “hurt”, and “kind”. God has shown me in the last 5 years just how much those words can impact your life! As a pastor’s kid, growing up, we would go from church to church helping rebuild them and a lot of the churches were filled with “hurt” and “hate” from the division they had already gone through. At one point, we had moved to Florida when I was in the 5th grade. The church members were very loving but it was still difficult being away from our home state. I don’t remember a lot about school during that time, but I would come to remember a girl named April very well. April sat next to me and she was different from the rest of the students. She dressed a little differently and wore her hair in braids which some thought was not really in style at the time. She had very thick glasses that made her eyes look very large and later I learned that she was legally blind. I didn’t talk to her very much but I would some times chat with her while waiting for class to start. We would exchange paper or a pencil if needed and that was about the extent of it. After living there for six months we left Florida and went back to my home state. In 2008 I received an email on a social website from April. “Hi we were together for a while in 5th grade. I am the one with the deformed eyes but you were nice to me anyway.” “Nice”. I was so humbled in that moment by that word! I had to wonder that in the small interactions I had with her for her to say that I was nice, just how very hard it must have been for her growing up! Kids can be so cruel. (In blended families teaching your children to be “nice” and “kind” is especially important. When you are not all related by blood and with all the difficult issues that come with it, being kind to one another can make an enormous impact.) April and I exchanged a few more emails. I shared with her my desire to tell women about my past, the abuse, and what God had done for me. She replied : “Many women have been beaten down by society’s unrealistic expectations reguarding sexual beauty and the ability to do it all: work full time, raise kids, look sexy everynight for the hubby. Also too many women have been in domestic violence situations and too many women have been sexually abused. It’s my hope that God opens up an opportunity to witness to those who have been abused. I just prayed for you.” Now there is a small word with big meaning: “Pray”. When we pray, things happen. In any situation that you feel there is not a thing you can do, you can pray. “Positive praying is much more powerful than positive thinking. People may resist our help, spurn our appeals, and reject our suggestions, but they are powerless against our prayers.” ~Rick Warren, Daily Hope. When you have been told by someone you love that you’re a failure, pray! When you are worried about how the bills are going to get paid, pray! When your marriage is in trouble, pray! When you are caught in the middle between stepchildren, children, your spouse and the other parent, pray! When you don’t know what to do, always pray! “I just prayed for you.” It was as if right in the middle of everything she stopped to pray for me. That was the last email I ever got from her. I sent a few more with no response so I made some inquiries and received a msg from her best friend Betty telling me that April had been battling cancer and on Sept 23, 2009 she had gone to be with the Lord. “Thank” is another word, isn’t it? I never got to really thank her for what her prayers and encouragement meant to me. Don’t forget to thank those who mean so much to you and most importantly don’t forget to thank God for the work he is doing in your life. And last, another small word is “do”. Get up and “do”. You only get one chance in this one life to do all you can do! Don’t wait to thank someone, pray for them, or show kindness to others, especially your blended family. God hand picked them from other families and situations, no matter the circumstances, and blended them into your family for a reason. It is not by accident but Divine purpose that you are in that family so don’t underestimate that. Thank you so much April for showing me that even the smallest things can have the biggest impact!
Forgiveness
This was my very first post on this blog back in June 2012. It was on my heart today and I felt it needed to be re-written and re-posted. Thanks so much to all my readers and comments. It has meant so much to me!
My 2nd marriage lasted just over 2 years. We were having problems, particularly spiritual issues.
I begged him to get pastoral counseling with me but he didn’t(and still doesn’t) think counseling is scriptural. We were still managing to stay together, however, in spite of our problems until we were told by a family member that our pastor at the time was talking about me behind my back. He said that my husband had a “tiger by the tail when he married me”. I was hurt and totally offended. I wanted my husband to defend me and be upset with me but he seemed to defend the pastor. We called the pastor immediately but he would not return our calls for a week and finally he did call. He apoligized, but tried to justify that what he meant was I wear the pants in the family by that statement. (Was that really supposed to make me feel better?) He honestly didn’t know the workings of our marriage and had not right to give his opinion to others. I was still very hurt and offended but tried to make peace with the situation. My marriage after that was never the same and 5 months later we were separated. I felt that my husband didn’t go to bat for me and placed the pastor as more important, so to speak. Why am I writing this today? I think that the dynamics of a successful blended family are somewhat different then other marriages. It is very hard to put your marriage first above your children, especially when half is your own flesh and blood but not the other half but it is all the more important that you do! You have to learn and practice loving your spouse more. Do not misinterpret what I’m saying. This does not mean your blended children get less love and “sloppy seconds”. It just means your marriage to your spouse takes higher priority. Think about it: the stronger and together your marriage is the stronger you are able to be FOR your children. If you and him are divided then it filters down to the children and does not help them in any way feel safe in this blended family. They have already been through the horrors of divorce and you can bet that they are very scared that they will have to go through another! Being strong together shows them what a healthy relationship is and gives them comfort that everything is going to be ok.
This brings me to the above example of my second marriage and the topic of forgiveness. As I sat down for my quiet time with God this morning it felt that God was saying I need to forgive. Now obviously we need to work on forgiving our ex’s, but I’m talking about forgiving that pastor. You see, all these years, I have blamed him for the downfall of my second marriage. Matthew 11:6 KJV says “Blessed are those who are not easily offended”. Another verse and a favorite is Eph 4:31-32 “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” So in thinking about your precious blended family today, think about forgiveness. Is there a person (other than the ex) that you feel played a role in the downfall of your marriage or relationship? Open your heart up to forgiveness and letting that go. I promise it will lighten the load and make you feel more refreshed and able to give your focus and energy to your family who deserve it way more than that person who offended you!
Does God want me to stay in an abusive/controlling marriage?
I fought for three years to stay in an abusive marriage. I thought that God wanted me to stay and that it was best to not break up my family for my child’s sake. My reasoning was that he never hit me so maybe this is all in my mind anyway, right? I mean every cruel condescending word that felt like a blow to my soul and hiding in the bathroom praying that God would calm him down because I didn’t know what was coming next wasn’t abuse, right? The answer is YES! You are being emotionally and verbally abused. We all can technically be abusive from time to time but what defines the relationship as abusive is that it is a pattern of abusive behaviour used over and over again. Alot of christians feel that the bible doesn’t really talk about abuse but I think it does. Do I think God wants you to stay in an abusive marriage? I believe NO He does not! However I do believe that the decision is not to be taken lightly! God doesn’t like divorce but he doesn’t like abuse either. When trying to decide you should take steps first on empowering yourself on the inside by really working on your personal faith and relationship with Him. He has His timing on everything and letting Him lead your steps will bring more peace to you even along this hard road that you are on. I have included some excerts from a blog that really clarifies what the bible has to say about abuse. If you have time please click on the link and read the entire post.
Here is an excert from an article written by Danni Moss in which I think she explained very clearly:
“Jesus stated the purpose of His coming in Luke 4: 18,19.
“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, To preach the acceptable year of the Lord.”
Jesus came for the purpose of healing the brokenhearted, delivering captives, and liberating those who are bruised. That perfectly describes the condition of someone who is being abused in their marriage. Jesus came to rescue people from abusive relationships!”
She goes on to say:
“Nowhere in the Word is there a place where God applauds or supports abuse. In fact, abuse is inherently opposite to God’s nature. If believers are made new creatures in Christ and partakers in His nature, how can we possible justify or excuse abusive behavior by someone bearing the name “Christian?” If we assume an abusive spouse is not a believer (which may, in fact, be supportable by Scripture) is a Christian abused partner expected by God to remain in that abusive relationship? The answer is still no. A Christian does not enable another person to continue in sin. By remaining in an abusive marriage, a Christian sends the message that the abusive behavior is acceptable – and affirms the abusers sin.” (This is the link to the complete article http://dannimoss.wordpress.com/articles/abuse-in-the-christian-home/does-god-… )
Please read the entire article because it is very good stuff and goes on to explain further steps to take as a christian in that type of situation. Seek counseling from a pastor or professional for yourself. If you are in an abusive situation the chances are your partner does not want you talking about your marital problems but it helped me realize my own God given strength. If you can get your partner to go then go together, but be careful that you choose someone that has worked in abusive situations because the dynamics of this kind of relationship are very differenct than just a normal troubled marriage! Take steps to try to make your marriage work if there is no physical threat to you or your children. If you leave, you want that to be the last resort and you will need the peace of mind that you did all that you could to stay. I love Isaiah 53:5 NIV “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.” Jesus died for you to have peace and healing. He wants that for you and your family. When you are trying to make the hard decisions, hold onto that. With every decision, ask yourself if that decision will bring peace and healing.
Love Him/Love Him Not
Today’s topic is about how we love our husbands. It pertains to normal relationships. This does not apply to abusive or cheating men.
My husband is a very good man. He is good to me and very importantly, he is good to my kids. He is my best friend (we love being together). He is my lover. (woot woot!!) Now, if you are reading this, you are probably thinking about your husband in comparison and how he is or is not like my husband, or if single, thinking how you wish you had someone like him or how your ex was certainly NOT like him! However, what you probably did not think about is the kind of wife you are or were and how that has shaped the kind of husband you have or want. It is only natural to look away from ourselves to the outside influences especially if we are not in the best place in our relationship. We tend to not stop and say to ourselves “how did I contribute to us getting to this point?” No, if you are unhappy in your relationship you tend to use alot of finger pointing the other way. I know that I am so guilty of this, especially in previous relationships. How often do we women fall into a pattern of thinking how he does not do this or does not do that or does not say this etc… We become so obsessed with standards that he is not living up to that we discount our own behaviour. Don’t get me wrong, it takes both of you to make or break a relationship, but let’s face it ladies, the only thing you can change in this thing is yourself! I see alot on social media, the ladies posting actors, musicians, etc… pics talking about how gorgeous that man is or talking about the latest “colorful” book they have read that is nothing short of soft porn and all the while they are married. I can’t help but feel how utterly disrespectful that is to your man. What is sad is that I see it coming from the ladies way more than I see it coming from the men. I think that if your man turned around and did the same thing you would be so angry with him and upset. I think that you would feel inadequate and unattractive. My husband takes care of himself and likes to be healthy by working out. In a previous relationship, my husband’s ex would see body builders on TV and say things like “why can’t you look like that”. Now I don’t know if she said it often or only once or twice but it tore him down and has affected him more than I can put into words. One of my ex’s loved to look at women. Every where we would go he would comment on some woman. I always felt that he was looking at every woman in the room but me no matter how hard I tried to look good and it cut deep and hurt me deep in my spirit. It taught me that I do not ever want to treat the one that I love in that way!! I don’t ever want my husband to feel the way I felt!
In today’s blended family marriage is the upmost importance but can also be very fragile! You have so much working against you but it is so important to be strong and together for your kids so that they don’t have to go through yet another divorce. Stop and think right now about how you have been loving your husband and think about how you have not. Ask God to show you how to love your husband the way He wants you to love him.
Song of Solomon 8:6
Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. (NIV)
families unbroken 