What’s So Great About 4?

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Earlier this summer, I was driving down the road on the way to the grocery store, listening to the radio when the overly zealous radio DJ announces that if you are the 10th caller your name will be entered in a drawing to win a family 4-pack of tickets to go see an upcoming show at the local coliseum. I get to the store and begin my grocery shopping.  I head for the meat department to check out the sales.  I notice that there are packs of fresh ground meat hamburgers all conveniently made into large patties in packs of 4.  I chug home after finishing the task of grocery shopping, put things away and finally sit down and grab my laptop.  Although we had already had an amazing beach vacation at the beginning of the summer, I wanted to look up some prices for a possible trip toward the end of the summer.  I go to the various websites and search the packages and specials.  There is countless, and I do mean countless deals on theme park tickets, food, and  lodging for (you guessed it) a family of 4. Deciding that we did not have enough money I started looking into alternative options for the summer.  A local  water park at a lake 20 minutes from our home was running a special for a summer pass at an amazing deal for a FAMILY OF 4!  After this happened for the 4th time (pun intended) that day I started to ask myself, is society trying to tell us something?  There are so many deals and so many specials geared toward the family and every single one of them for family is limited to 4!  It seems there are so many differences of opinion out there about families and the ones that society seems to want to force upon us is referred to as being politically correct.  Is it that perhaps if you are a family of 4 you are politically correct and the ones that have less than or in my case, more than 4 are politically incorrect?  I can’t help but ask the obvious question here;  what’s so great about 4?  Is that society’s way of reminding us at every turn “ok you have 2 children, you’re done now”?!  Maybe, if you are a family of 3, well I guess it might not be too bad, you can bring a friend.DSC_2164

I asked my husband how he felt about the subject with all the family deals, coupons, or specials are geared toward families of 4.  He said that society certainly seems to be biased toward families that have 2 kids.  He says he feels like it is inconsiderate to the larger families and I am going to have to agree.  Wouldn’t it seem that if you have more than 2 kids would you not need the discount and specials that much more because you have more mouths to feed?  Seriously what are these companies thinking?  “sorry but we only have 4 passes kids so pick a number between 1 and 10  to see which one of you has to sit this one out”!  It seems that we are seeing more and more blended and expanded families these days.  I think it’s time we changed the standard! Who’s with me?? 

Psalms 127:3-5a “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him.  Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.  Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.”

FLAVORFUL FRIDAY!!

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I decided I am going to try a few new things for my blog.  I love pinterest and try all kinds of food recipes from my pins.  For Fridays I am going to try and post a recipe I have tried and how it turned out.  School just started in our district and again it is a time for me to come up with creative lunches for teen gal and lil man.  I had found a pin for pizza egg rolls but it did not have instructions, only pictures.  So I found another recipe and tied the two together to come up with my modified version for lunch for the kids the next day.  I would have gotten this blog posted earlier today but my husband took me out on a lunch date.  It has been a beautiful bright sunny day, cloudless sky and we have had a wonderful afternoon.  (smile smile)

Here is step by step for pizza egg rolls:

DSC_2141Here are the ingredients I used including cooking spray, string cheese sticks (I used what I had which was mozzarella and cheddar swirl), pepperoni (I used turkey because I feel it’s healthier and a lot less greasy), egg roll wrappers (found in the produce/bagged salad section of the grocery store), and butter/light olive oil (about a tablespoon each) melted together with a little garlic and onion powder and italian seasoning sprinkled in….You will need to preheat the oven at 375.

DSC_2142I got out a small cup of water and placed near my work surface.  On waxed paper (just my preference) on a wrapper a little closer to the closest corner to me I placed 3 pepperoni on the bottom, a cheese stick on top and 3 more pepperoni on top of the cheese.  I then dipped my fingers and wet all 4 corners of the egg roll wrapper.

DSC_2144I then rolled the closest corner around the mixture as snug as possible.DSC_2145I then tucked the 2 side corners as shown and rolled the rest of the way.  I then placed them on a greased baking sheet and brushed all over the top with the butter/olive oil mixture.  Bake 10-15 minutes then turn them, brush the butter mixture over the top again and bake another 10 -15 minutes until both sides are golden brown and because I didn’t have pizza sauce and I used traditional spaghetti sauce to dip it in.  DSC_2138

It was such an easy recipe the kids loved it, in particularly lil man.  I warmed the pizza egg rolls up the next morning, added a container of sauce, threw in some plain frozen strawberries in another container, a frozen “gogurt”  both thawed  by lunch and he said it was the best lunch ever! (awww I love to hear that)!  Let me know how you like it!

Disclaimer: I used all of the products that were available to me in my local grocery store and did not receive any endorsements for any of the name brands pictured or named in this post.

Knowing, Learning, and Life-Changing

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This summer has been very busy for all of us so I have not posted as often.  We have had trips, sports, work, and different parenting schedules.  It’s great because we really do get more extended time together with the kids as a family but it is also more chaotic because we have to figure out who is going where with which parent on this vacation or this trip or that conference.  In June, we had the most amazing vacation with my husband’s family but it was over way too quickly.  We have had a summer filled with swimming, playing, working on multiplication tables, running, volunteering, piano playing, and praying.  We have also had some unexpected conflict changes.  One of the other parents has strayed away from the court order and allowed the child to go back and forth this summer whenever they want (which has been wonderful and less stressful) and we have had another parent to take very precious time away from us causing more stress.  I am actually looking a little bit forward to school starting just to get back in a normal & hopefully stable routine which is good for all of us.  Blended family life is not easy.  It is constantly evolving.  It is hard work.  It is dedicated consistency.  It is at times disappointing.  It is at times overwhelming.  However, to me as a biomom and bonus mom it is the most life-changing love I could have ever known.  First, it is a life-changing love for my husband.  He has shown the deepest compassion and care for me like I have never had before.  He has loved my children with a quiet strength and patience that even they have noticed and responded to with equal love and respect toward him.  Watching him work hard to be a very involved loving father to his son.  Teaching him to grow into the man God created him to be and life changing for me as I support him in every way I can as he does that.  Second, it has been a life-changing love for my bonus son.  Loving him like my own and being patient to let him “catch up” and not pushing him to be part of a family that he was not born in to but to grow in to.  Loving him as he finds his place in this family as well as know that he is just as equally important as me, his dad, or the other two kids.  Third, I have this life-changing love for my children.  I have overcome the guilt of the previous destruction of my relationships to be able to forgive their fathers and forgive myself so that I let go of the “control monster” and encourage a deep loving relationship between my children and their dads.  I am of the mind that the more I encourage time and a closeness with their dad the more they develop a life-changing love for me because they don’t have to choose.  They are free to love us equally.

I have saved the best for last.  Most of all I have developed a deeper life-changing love for my Heavenly Father! He has cultivated all this life-changing love in me after putting this little family together.  Through all of the craziness of this past year I have grown closer to Him each and every day.  Having to depend on Him both emotionally and spiritually, but also physically as well.  I haven’t really shared a lot but a year ago my life was turned upside down when it was invaded with episodes of vertigo.  This spinning vertigo was short lived however it was replaced with severe motion sensitivity and MAV which basically translates to 24/7 rocking swaying dizziness that waxed and waned up numerous times a day until a few months ago.  I had to take a medical leave from my fantastic job because I had to stop driving and take balance/motion therapy to re-train my brain to compensate.  The neuro therapist explained that after the few initial attacks of spinning vertigo, my system did not re-set as most would do because of my long history of migraines.  Instead it made me super sensitive to motion pretty much making me feel like I am on a boat all the time.  With therapy I have slowly regained my balance and now the rocking is very minimal and only noticed occasionally during the day.  I also have migraine medication as well as dizzy medication to take in case of an emergency as needed.  All of this really put me in an unknown place because I have had to completely depend on others. compassion and God I have always been so independent and free spirited and that was all taken away for a long while.  I have prayed and cried out to God and through all of this I have come to know Him better.  I have come to a better understanding that beyond religion God wants me to know Him and that to know him is to love selflessly and to love selflessly is to be compassionate!  Jeremiah 22:16 NLT “He gave justice and help to the poor and needy, and everything went well for him.  Isn’t that what it means to know me? says the Lord.”  I have been studying and loving the book of Hosea right now.  Hosea 6:6 NLT ” I want you to show love not offer sacrifices.  I want you to know me more than I want burnt offerings.”  God wants my heart, not my religion!  The more I have come to really know God the more I have experienced life-changing love for Him!  The more I have experienced this life-changing love the more compassion He has given me for others far beyond what I have ever known.  Showing compassion to others is completely selfless because it is me doing for others with nothing expected in return other than experiencing joy in being compassionate and it has also helped me get the focus off of me.  This is why I am sharing all of this in this post.  Life is difficult, it is messy and especially so in blended family life and especially if you are also dealing with physical sickness like I have.  It is easy to get trapped in yourself, and in your circumstances.  If you are struggling with these things too I encourage you to start asking yourself how you can be compassionate and how you can demonstrate it to others.  

Fight and Flight…my thoughts on marital conflict

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My husband and I recently had a huge fight.  It was the biggest fight we have had since we married 5 years ago.  I’m not saying we don’t ever fight but we typically are over it very quickly and get on with the making up part. (blush blush)  The trouble had been brewing for a short while now but it came to a head and exploded over $30 water bottles. (crazy! right?)  This is the kind of argument that you can’t see your way past your anger and the kind that last a few days and when you’re done you feel exhausted and maybe even a little numb.  Teen in the midst of this came home and feeling the oppressive tension asked me if we were going to get a divorce.  I’m pretty sure that when parents fight that all kids ask that but I feel it is asked on a deeper level by a kid that has already gone through a divorce and remarriage with a parent.   It got me thinking.  There’s such a high percentage of subsequent marriages that don’t last.  Why is that?  My guess is that after going through divorce it is no longer this huge wall that you have never seen what’s on the other side.  It is no longer an unknown.  Most people when facing something big would rather face the known rather than the unknown, at least I would.  In those heated moments when you want to shake them and make them understand, when your inner self is wanting to be “one up” and the winner, you tend to think very irrationally.  (duh!)  Be very honest….how many times have you thought or said or had your partner say, “Well there’s the door if you want to leave!”  During times of stress and fear, scientists say we have a fight or flight response.  We decide to stay and fight or we rapidly run away.  I think in a remarriage/blended family relationship it’s more like fight AND flight.  You get to fighting and decide “I’m strong and independent.  I’ve taken myself out of a bad situation, started over, and I certainly can do it again!”  So you remove yourself from the situation or think about removing yourself from the situation.  In other words, you think about leaving.

I am trying to put my trust in God.  This is what I am trying to do during those times.   There is a marriage page on FB by DaveWillis.org. It’s an awesome site.  I found a picture on his page that sums it up.

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It may seem easy on paper but it is so very hard to do!   Be compassionate, have sympathy toward your spouse, love them without condition, and show humility if at all possible!  1 Peter 3:8 “Finally, all of you be like-minded,  be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.”  Wow! In researching and praying as I write this post I am so convicted!  How often have I not practiced this verse towards my friends, my family, and most importantly my husband! If you are reading this right now will you stop and pray for me and my husband.  Pray that I will remember this verse when our marriage faces difficulties.  Pray that I will be mindful to put my trust in God because He loves me, He loves my husband and my children, and because He wants us to succeed.  Pray that I will remember He has it all figured out.

My husband and I drove down to the dead end of our street where we could have privacy and worked it out that afternoon.  We started with arguing but ended with really listening to each other.  We then went back to the house and had a family meeting.  We explained to the kids that it was no secret we had been arguing that day but that no one is perfect.  We are all human, we get angry and emotional at times, we don’t always agree and our farts smell sometimes. (Rec’d giggles from them over that last part).  We explained that we love each other very much and that we are not divorcing or splitting up.  We re-assured them of how much we love them and asked if there was anything they wanted to say or any questions they may have. You could see the worry and tension leave their faces and a peace settled in our home.  (Thank you Father God for that amazing peace!)

All of this has made me sure of what I want and don’t want.  I don’t want the fight and flight response!  I just want the FIGHT!  I want to fight for my marriage.  I want to fight for my family.  I want to fight to ensure that our blended home is a happy home.  I want to fight satan and defeat him and not let him have yet another marriage that will destroy lives!  As I hit the publish button, I am praying for you reading this.  I am praying for you to show forgiveness and grace in your marriage and I am praying for that peace that passes all understanding that only comes from God.

Purposefully Made

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“We are a product of our past but we don’t have to be prisoners of it.”  -Rick Warren  The Purpose Driven Life.

My daughter came home one day from school very upset and crying.  For several months another girl at school seemed to love to gossip and talk about her which she would just let roll off her back.  I know for a fact she had tried to make peace with this gal more than once and I was really proud of her for it because I know that with her being so much like me, it really bothered her to be talked about like that when she had tried to be decent and cordial to the girl.  However, on this particular occasion she was extremely hurt and affected by her words.  She shared with me that this gossip girl had been saying nasty things about me and the fact I had been married three times.  I knew that this day would eventually come.  I knew that at some point, my children would suffer the consequences of my mistakes and being teased or put down for it was to be expected.   This is not a situation that every child will face.  This is a situation exclusive to the families that are not considered “normal”.  This is what children face from broken homes and it breaks my heart because the situation is not their fault but they still have to suffer the consequences.  I’ve talked before about the best we can do for our kids in a blender is be as stable as we can in this “not-so-stable” situation. I talked with her and told her how sorry I was that she had to be hurt like that, that our situation, our family is what it is.  We absolutely cannot change the past but we can definitely look to God to shape our future.  I told her that I am secure in who I am today and have grown and learned so much more about who I was created to be through all the heartache and pain.  All I can do is be the best mom, wife, and christian woman I can be from here on out.  I have been honest with her about my mistakes and talked with her about making better choices when it comes to marriage and relationships.  I told her that she should never let them make her feel less or that something was wrong with her because,  most importantly,  I reminded her that God created her with a purpose in mind and she should try and strive to fulfill His purpose.  (Ephesians 2:10 “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”)

I was able to really talk to her about these things also, I too, have been made to feel that way.  I have been excluded, looked down on, and made to feel ashamed and less than others.  I felt like that up until I realized that not only had God forgiven me but I had to learn to forgive myself.  Please read a previous blog post about forgiveness if this is an issue you are struggling with about your past entitled “New Year Old Past”…    Don’t ever forget that God made you for a purpose too!

I’ve Been Nominated for a Liebster Blog Award!!

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liebsterI have been nominated for a Liebster Blog Award!  I am so excited for the nomination and want to thank Catalina for nominating me!  Check out her blog here: http://zamoracatalina.wordpress.com/  She writes about being 40 and single again.  Catalina, you rock girl!

Part of the process is I have to tell 11 things about myself and then answer 11 questions posted by the one who nominated me so here goes.

About Me:

I love the Lord with all my heart.  I love being a mom and I’m good at it.  I am madly in love with my husband and we talk about how we both get butterflies when we are with each other.  I love bacon!!  I have a slight obsession with buying new flip flops but I work hard to not go crazy and keep it in check.  Some things that many may not know about me is that I have been playing the piano by ear since I was 3 1/2 years old (I had to reach up to reach the keys) and I have been writing songs since I was in the 4th grade.  Obviously I love to write.  I cannot draw, even my stick figures don’t look right.  My favorite color is red.  I have a small 8lb maltipoo named Brady that is our baby and we have taught him to wait for us to say the blessing before he eats and also to ring a bell when he needs to go outside. Now I will try to answer the questions.

1. How old were you when you had your first kiss?  I was 14.  (I did have a boy, a very close friend, give me a smack on the lips at the age of 5 but don’t think that counts.)
2. Did you grow up in a home with both parents? Yes and my parents have been married for 42 years.
3. Do you believe in reincarnation? No but I do believe in Salvation.
4. Do you believe in heaven and hell? Yes
5. What is your favorite cinema movie ever? I actually have a thing for old black & white movies like “A Tree Grows in Brooklyn” and “Rebecca” and so many more, but a cinema movie would be “Pride & Prejudice”, “Return to Me” & “Signs”.
6. What song would you like played at your funeral? An old song written by Bill & Gloria Gaither called “Something Beautiful”
7. What one word describes you? Unselfish
8. What is your astrological sign? Sagittarius
9. What is the one quality that you want most in the opposite sex? Integrity
10. What is the one thing that you feel you should change about yourself? I procrastinate and I hate that!
11. What movie star do you resemble most (you have to answer this)? I have been told I look a little like Helen Hunt, Kate Hudson  or a young Barbara Mandrell, however I am going to say Smurfette.

Now I am supposed to nominate some blogs that I feel deserve this award.   Here are some that I think are definitely worth reading:

http://thebyrdhouseblog.wordpress.com

http://ournewpartyofsix.wordpress.com/

http://ablendx9.wordpress.com/

http://pastorbv.wordpress.com/

http://aliendad.wordpress.com/

Now these nominees need to tell 11 things about themselves, answer my questions and then nominate blogs with less than 200 followers that they feel deserve to be nominated as well as include a link to my blog for the nomination. (hey I don’t make the rules, I just follow them).

Here are my questions for the nominees:

  1. What is your favorite color?
  2. What is your favorite food?
  3. What is your inspiration for writing your blog?
  4. Who is your biggest supporter of your blog?
  5. What is your best character trait?
  6. What is your worst character trait?
  7. What do you feel is your greatest achievement/success so far in your life?
  8. What song would you like played at your funeral?
  9. Name the funniest movie you have ever seen?
  10. What is your favorite holiday and why?
  11. What is the one main thing you want readers to get from your blog?

It has been such an honor to be nominated.  I hope that my readers take from my blog a sense of empowerment and that you are not alone.

The Integrity of Potting Soil

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ImageI have some new spring flowers to plant so I went to a brand new hardware store that just opened a few weeks ago in our community yesterday.  There were about 10 workmen working on building wooden displays just outside the store for their gardening area and in the middle of all the cords, saws, wood, and men was the display of potting soil.  I went inside and got the young sales girl to walk with me outside to help with which type I should purchase.  After deciding, I tried to pick up the bag, which was wet from the rain for the last several days as well as weighed about 40lbs.  She volunteered to carry it but she struggled more than me.  Finally she said I could go in and pay for it and then drive up closer to get my soil.  After paying and driving my car up to the curb, I walked back through the work zone, and struggling, managed to hoist the wet bag to the car.  Struggling again, I got the car door open while balancing my burden on one propped up leg and finally dropped it onto the front seat.  I literally worked up a sweat!  I became more and more angry on the drive home. There were 10 or more men working right there, some were busy and some stopped to stare even, but not a single one offered to take less than a minute of their time to put the heavy bag in my car for me.  It really got me to thinking about integrity.

Is it just me or does it seem that boys aren’t raised to have integrity these days or to be gentlemen.  We have talked with our kids, particularly our boys about having integrity.  We have explained that integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is looking.  We have done devotions and family prayer time on it as well.  I really want my boys to know that being a gentleman means conducting yourself with integrity.  We also have a young teen daughter and the things boys have said to her or around her were unimaginable in my day.  Oh I am sure that issues and topics haven’t changed all that much but it seems that there are no boundaries or respect in society today.  It’s the “it’s all about me” or “if it feels good” mentality.

Now think about what potting soil is used for…  It is to create a safe nutrient rich environment in order for plants to thrive and grow to be their best.  That is exactly what I want to do for my children.  I want to be what they need to help them flourish.  I want them to automatically do for others.  I want them to see opportunities, even those small gestures such as carrying a bag of potting soil and take them without having to think about it.  I want it to become part of who they are, not because of how others will view them on the outside but because of who they are in their heart and in their spirit.  If more parents would really focus and invest time in becoming great potting soil for their kids just how much better an environment would be created for our children so they don’t just grow up to be adults but grow up to thrive and flourish.  Proverbs 22:6 NLT “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Heavenly Father, help me as a mom and bonus mom be the soil that my children become rooted and grounded in honor, respect, and integrity so that they will bloom and flourish into what You have created them to be.

“Children are not casual guests in our home. They have been loaned to us temporarily for the purpose of loving them and instilling a foundation of values on which their future lives will be built.”  Dr. James Dobson

Amazing like God

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So this past Sunday was Mother’s Day and as a mom and bonus mom, it was a great day.  My kids showered me with lots of hugs, kisses, and “I love yous”. My youngest son still holds a bit of a soft spot in my heart because he is still at that age where I don’t embarrass him.  He loves for me to hug him and hold his hand in public, say prayers and tuck him in at night, and write notes on his napkin in his lunch box.  He drew me a special card that spelled out the letters in my name and described me.  The very last letter of my name is ‘A’ and he wrote about me: “A is for amazing like God”.  Other things were “nice as a flower” and “cute as a dog” but wow! “Amazing like God”.  It got me thinking about the example I am to my son and my children.  Those are some really big shoes to fill!

Webster’s definition of amazing: amazement, great wonder and surprise.  The definition of God:  the Being perfect in power, wisdom, and goodness who is worshiped as creator and ruler of the universe;  a person or thing of supreme value.  To me, my son thinks that as a mom, I bring wonder and amazement to his life as someone who is in authority with wisdom and goodness in his life. Proverbs 31: 28,29 NLT   “Her children stand and bless her.  Her husband praises her.  There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!”  

Heavenly Father, how do I ‘surpass them all’?   How do I set that example of how a Godly mother should be?  How can I truly be amazing as a mom?  And God seemed to speak to my heart.  It is by teaching him the commands of God about ‘loving thy neighbor’, ‘honoring thy father and mother’, and ‘putting God first in everything’.  It is by tucking him in at night and praying with him.  It is showing him my love with those hugs and kisses.  It is leaving those little notes on his napkin in his lunchbox.  It is by doing those things we do as moms that can make us amazing and wise and good in the eyes of our children. 

Take it a step further and extend that to your bonus sons and daughters.  Try to show them love, affection, wisdom and goodness.  Be an example of what a Godly christian woman, wife, and mother should be in your home so that you can strive to be “Amazing like God” to your hand-picked God-given precious family!  Deuteronomy 6:6,7 NLT “And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands I am giving you today.  Repeat them again and again to your children.  Talk about them when you are at home and on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.”Image


Broken & Blessed

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I can’t believe that this week I will be celebrating 5 years of marriage with my wonderful husband.  It seems like it was only yesterday we were married and yet we have been through so incredibly much!  I remember in a previous marriage I was married for 7 years and yet it felt more like 20 years.  I’ve written about that experience in a few previous blogs but you can read this one  to get an idea https://blendermom3.wordpress.com/2012/10/05/abuse-is-abuse/.   Obviously it was a very dark time for me.  I learned so much about myself as a Christian woman, mother, and wife after I got away from that situation and started to heal.  I felt like I had fallen into a deep dark hole.  I felt like I was made wrong.  I felt inadequate.  I felt broken in my soul.  I could say that it was all in God’s plan but I honestly do not think it was His Will for me to marry that man.  However, guess what?  God takes our mistakes and what little we give him and uses them for His purpose anyway!  I heard this in a sermon by Bishop T. D. Jakes.  In Mark 6:41 NLT  “Jesus took the five loaves and two fish, looked up toward heaven, and blessed them. Then, breaking the loaves into pieces, he kept giving the bread to the disciples so they could distribute it to the people. He also divided the fish for everyone to share.” Rev. Jakes revealed in that scripture that God broke it.  Then, God blessed what was less than enough.  Lastly, God multiplied what was broken.  Wow!! Take a minute to let the Reverend’s words sink in!  God broke it.  God blessed it.  God multiplied it.  Through all the pain and brokenness God took what little I gave him and blessed me and gave me a heart to share these experiences in hopes it might touch others.  He gave me  three beautiful children to teach them about God’s amazing love and he gave me a sweet loving husband that I can serve right along side and together to try and be an example of that amazing love is to our children.  Read that scripture and think on those words.  Try and think on even in those darkest times when it’s hard to see it that there is a blessing waiting.  When you feel like you are broken in your soul like I did, God will still bless what is not enough and make it more than enough.