I was floored that my blog was nominated as one of the top 50 step parenting blogs of 2014 on voiceboks.com!! I am so completely honored to be nominated. It would mean the world to me if you could click the link and scroll down to #8 “Blendermom” and click the “like” heart to vote for me. There are no words for the amazing comments and encouragement you have given me so far. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
From the Blendermom Archives: Amazing Like God
This was a blog post I wrote last year after mother’s day but it still touches my heart. I thought I would share it again……
So this past Sunday was Mother’s Day and as a mom and bonus mom, it was a great day. My kids showered me with lots of hugs, kisses, and “I love yous”. My youngest son still holds a bit of a soft spot in my heart because he is still at that age where I don’t embarrass him. He loves for me to hug him and hold his hand in public, say prayers and tuck him in at night, and write notes on his napkin in his lunch box. He drew me a special card that spelled out the letters in my name and described me. The very last letter of my name is ‘A’ and he wrote about me: “A is for amazing like God”. Other things were “nice as a flower” and “cute as a dog” but wow! “Amazing like God”. It got me thinking about the example I am to my son and my children. Those are some really big shoes to fill!
Webster’s definition of amazing: amazement, great wonder and surprise. The definition of God: the Being perfect in power, wisdom, and goodness who is worshiped as creator and ruler of the universe; a person or thing of supreme value. To me, my son thinks that as a mom, I bring wonder and amazement to his life as someone who is in authority with wisdom and goodness in his life. Proverbs 31: 28,29 NLT “Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her. There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!”
Heavenly Father, how do I ‘surpass them all’? How do I set that example of how a Godly mother should be? How can I truly be amazing as a mom? And God seemed to speak to my heart. It is by teaching him the commands of God about ‘loving thy neighbor’, ‘honoring thy father and mother’, and ‘putting God first in everything’. It is by tucking him in at night and praying with him. It is showing him my love with those hugs and kisses. It is leaving those little notes on his napkin in his lunchbox. It is by doing those things we do as moms that can make us amazing and wise and good in the eyes of our children.
Take it a step further and extend that to your bonus sons and daughters. Try to show them love, affection, wisdom and goodness. Be an example of what a Godly christian woman, wife, and mother should be in your home so that you can strive to be “Amazing like God” to your hand-picked God-given precious family! Deuteronomy 6:6,7 NLT “And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.”
But Sunday Is Coming!!
Easter is almost here. It’s such a special time for Christians. It’s such a precious time for me. Here is one of my favorite sermon excerpts from SM Lockridge.
1 Peter 3:18 NLT “Christ suffered]for our sins once for all time. He never sinned, but he died for sinners to bring you safely home to God. He suffered physical death, but he was raised to life in the Spirit.”
“The devil has convinced so many people that they are worthless.
Each of us needs to stop and remember the cross—at the cross we will discover our true value—
for it is here that we discover the price God was willing to pay for us,
the depth of His love, and how much we are worth to Him.”
[Roy Lessin]
Thank you Heavenly Father that Sunday IS coming!
A Candle For Jack
Jack is a wonderfully gifted, inquisitive, articulate 9 year old boy with a beautiful, sweet warmth about him. His strong determined mom is a blogger friend of mine and for the past year or so I’ve been following her powerful emotional story of co-parenting (if you can even call it that) with a narcissist. For years she has struggled to move mountains to get the help and encouragement for this highly gifted child with an IQ in the 98th percentile. When Jack was 7, because of her efforts of trying to get him enrolled in the Gifted Academy, she lost custody of her son through a very broken court system. A court system that felt it was better to not look to experts in the field of gifted children but rather to the squeaky wheel that was screaming for grease. Her parenting time has now been reduced to 8 days a month!
Since the custody change, Jack’s anxiety has increased to an all time high. He has shared with his mom after crying uncontrollably for the first hour of most visits with her that his father is abusing him mentally, emotionally, and physically and since the courts are not monitoring him and this man has complete control, the abuse has escalated to an alarming level. One small example of this is that Jack is afraid of heights so his father held him by his leg and suspended him over the railing of the deck 20 feet off the ground to teach him not to be afraid! Countless times he has been called a baby, stupid, and an idiot. He is not allowed to cry. I could go on with many other examples.
I was deeply moved by this brave mom’s post, her message of hope that she has received from God through her son and her anxious fear as she goes to the court of appeals on April 15 to plead with them to overturn the custody ruling. This is the link to this post and I encourage you to please read it! You will be so inspired by this amazing little boy.
http://scatteredsmotheredandcovered.com/2014/04/07/one-word-365-submit-to-hope/
Today we had a prayer service at church. A time where we can be prayed over, take communion,light candles and also literally carry our burdens and nail them to a wooden cross. My daughter and I solemnly lit a candle for Jack. And we prayed. Prayer changes things and so I asked God would surround this situation with His almighty power. I prayed that Jack and his mom would feel that power and strength in such a way that they would know a peace that they have never known in the midst of this raging storm. I am asking that everyone will join me on April 15, in the middle of working, business of life, tax deadlines, etc…to stop just a moment and pray for this hearing. Pray for this dedicated mom. Pray for Jack.
I have been thinking and meditating on Psalms 10 which is such a powerful chapter. Here are a few verses that really speak to me. Psalms 10:10-11 ESV “The helpless are crushed, sink down, and fall by his might. He says in his heart, “God has forgotten, he has hidden his face, he will never see it.” Verses 14, 17-18 “But you do see, for you note mischief and vexation, that you may take it into your hands; to you the helpless commits himself; you have been the helper of the fatherless. O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, so that man who is of the earth may strike terror no more.”
Pray for Jack.
A New Heart
So here is a short devotional thought for the blendermom/stepmom….
Ezekiel 36:26 “And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.”
During my engagement to my husband, I scoured the internet reading posts, forums, articles, etc….about blended families and being a stepmom. The relationship with my little 6 year old stepson was very important to me and I wanted to do things right. I remember reading forums, posts and articles about stepfamilies and stepmoms.
I was surprised at how many stepmoms are struggling. There were numerous posts about how the stepmom can’t stand the stepkids, or how the stepchild tries to manipulate to get more attention from their father, or that the husband doesn’t understand.
The thing is, the father and his kids are a package deal.
Maybe you are one of those moms. You may feel hopeless in your family situation but prayer changes things. Maybe it’s not the stepchildren, but your relationship with your husband that needs mending. God doesn’t want your family to fail. God wants your family to be strong, compassionate, and loving. And I truly believe it starts inside our own heart first.
I encourage you to pray for your husband and your children no matter how you “feel”. Ask Him to help you see them through His eyes and ask Him to change your heart. Ezekiel 36:26 is a promise that God will change your heart if you are willing and open. Don’t think for one second that because your family was a product of divorce that God thinks less of you! Remember that Jesus lived in a blended family…
1 Peter 5:7 “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”
Let God work healing in your marriage and family. Let Him start by giving you a new heart.
The Other Mothers
I don’t typically write about the “other mothers”. I feel strongly about sharing things about our blended family but there is a fine line between sharing my heart and gossip/slander. Yes there has been times where I have wanted to vent out my frustrations in my posts but other than making me feel better, how would that truly help the situation? However, I am going to share some thoughts on the subject and maybe give advice to other “blendermoms” who are stepmoms, biomoms, or like me, both. Be mindful that I am only speaking from a place where both parents are active in all 3 of my children’s lives.
1. Respect the biomom for who she is regardless of what you may personally think of her.
I know this may hit a nerve with some stepmoms because stepmoms are often not treated with kindness, courtesy, or respect. However, if the biomom is in the child’s life there is no one that can or should take her place.
I do not have a relationship with my son’s stepmom. When she was first introduced to my son, he was told to call her “Miss” and by her first name but 5 months later when his dad married her, they immediately started on a campaign to force him to call her mom because she was pregnant.
To read the rest of this article go to http://familyfusioncommunity.com/2014/01/30/the-other-mothers/ and let me know your thoughts on the “other mothers” in your life.
Do You Bring Blessings or Blow Horns?
About a week and a half ago, last Tuesday, I was driving to work. I was talking to my mom as I often do just like any other day. My mind was filled with memories, Christmas lists, money worries etc…… I noticed a little ways up the road, a woman coming across a bridge up ahead. Now, because of TV movies and watching too much of the news, I began to slow down my 75mph speed as a precaution in case this was someone who thought it might be fun to throw something off the bridge onto the cars below. It all happened in a matter of seconds. This woman had decided that she no longer wanted to live, came over the side and jumped off of that bridge, landing in front of my car on the busy interstate!
I swerved, screaming, trying to articulate to my mom what just happened. I pulled over a little ways from the scene just to be safe and began jogging back to this nightmare that had just unfolded in my lane in front of me! A small group had already gathered around her and I was surprised to see that the woman had already re-gained consciousness (after seeing her land like a rag doll and unconscious). She was trying to fight us to get up while bleeding on the pavement. I tried to soothe her, telling her that help was coming and that she was hurt. I asked her if there was any phone numbers I could take down and call for her but she said she did not have anybody. The paramedics and officers arrived. They could not believe that this woman was not run over and kept saying it. They allowed her to sit up as they examined her injured leg and face. She is going to be just fine with just a scraped up face and broken leg! As I was standing with the only other witness that cared enough to stop, a kind sweet faced lady on the way to pick up her daughter, we began talking of what we saw. She did not see the woman jump like I did, only something in the road. As I was trying to swerve, slow down and pull over she was trying to stop traffic that just kept driving around the woman and blowing the horn. We could not believe how many just drove by blowing the horn and kept going!
On the morning of Christmas eve, my husband and I took our 3 kids to eat a late breakfast. I mentioned that there was an elderly man eating alone and how sad that was at Christmas when the place was full of families. Teen could not even enjoy her food because of it and wanted to go over and ask him to join us but is very shy about such things. My husband and I wanted to as well but we made excuses such as he probably wanted to be alone or that he probably had a house full of family and wanted some time alone to enjoy his paper. With a determined look, she went over to the man, wished him a Merry Christmas, and told him there was plenty of room at our table. He joyfully accepted and for the next hour we were all entertained with stories of this gentleman’s life. He introduced himself as Jim O’Neal, the “84 yr old Black Irishman”. He insisted that he pay for our meal but my husband had gladly already paid for his. We all left the restaurant that morning feeling happy and blessed.
These events got me to thinking about how we live our lives. Do we stop our hectic pace and self-absorbancy and help those in need or do we just drive by and blow the horn? Do we go the extra mile to bring a smile to someone’s face or do we make excuses to ease our conscious so we feel better about not going out of our comfort zone?
Christians, myself included, are commanded to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39). Let’s not also forget the golden rule to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (Luke 6:31). There is verse after verse where we are to show Christ’s love through serving and loving others. However, our selfish nature tends to fight with that kind of selfless love. For this upcoming new year my prayer is that I allow God to continue to use me to bless those around me. I pray that my children will continue to live out a life of serving God by being kind and loving others and that my husband and I can be an example of that love. Who knows? Maybe if we step up and go that extra mile there will be more people who don’t feel so empty and alone enough to jump off a bridge and instead end up sharing stories over a meal with new friends.
Are you someone that in this new year brings blessings or blows horns?
Our Blended Life..The Musical
I have many drafts of posts for my blog but not any that I feel God leading me to publish just yet. I haven’t posted in a really long time because I’ve been busy writing for other family publications. I wanted to share an experience I had with my son tonight.
I have been playing the piano “by ear” since I was around four and had to reach up to reach the keys. I bought a used piano recently and it’s good therapy for me just to sit and play and sing some of the old songs I loved as a kid such as “Sweet Hour of Prayer”, “Rise Again”, and “He Was There all the Time”.
After dinner tonight I sat down and started playing. My youngest son who is nine came up and sat down beside me. After a few times of singing the song he chimed in with his sweet boy voice. Ya know, the sweet voice that doesn’t know all the perfect notes of the song and hits every few off key but catches back on quickly.
After that, I started playing an old song my parents used to sing called “Remind Me Dear Lord”, a song I have sung to him since he was very little. A song he loves. He suddenly said, “Mama I want to play that song!” It never occurred to him that it might take a lot of time for me just to teach him the chords. Any way, I told him that we should start by learning a C chord. He quickly picked up on that and I showed him the key progression of C which the C, F, and G chords. After trying, however, he because frustrated that he could not play the music like I played so I started playing a song I learned as a child: “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands”. A very simple song to play in the key of C. He caught on quickly and was soon playing a long with me, so I showed him how to put a little more into the rhythm by using his left hand. That proved to be too difficult for him and becoming quite agitated our music lesson came to a frustrated end.
Later I started thinking about that sweet moment and how thankful I was that God had given me the ability to play so if nothing else I could teach my son about Him through playing and music and to make lasting memories. How often do we have those precious opportunities with our children in our lives; to share our gifts and talents at unexpected moments. It wasn’t a perfect moment. It wasn’t flawless. However, that’s life and that’s how life is, isn’t it? It is our blended family heartsong; those everyday teaching moments that shape us and make us who we are. Sometimes it’s spontaneous. Sometimes it’s off-key. Sometimes it’s difficult, but it is in those precious God-given moments that gives our heartsong a melody!
Colossians 3:16 ESV “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.”
WORDS WORDS WORDS
It’s been too long since I’ve posted on my site. God has been opening doors for me and answering prayers and for that I am so thankful! I have been busy writing for two other family sites and I encourage you to check them out. http://www.upliftingfamilies.com and wwwfamilyfusioncommunity.com.
In my latest post on familyfusion, I open up about verbal and emotional abuse.
“Verbal affirmation: That is my love language. I don’t really remember when words became so important to me. I remember writing my first song when I was in the 4th grade. I wrote songs and poetry in high school and even had a poem published in a creative writing publication through the school.
I do remember, however, when words started to hurt, when words felt like fists, when words changed me for the rest of my life. That is what verbal abuse will do to you. It leaves you in deep pain, beaten, and defeated. “I love you, so I’m going to tell you all that is wrong with you! Everyone else, your friends and co-workers, they think the same things about you that I’m saying. They just don’t love you enough to tell you.” I heard that day after day. Words and more words just chipping away at my lonely soul. Oh if only I had really known by heart Proverbs 18:2 “Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions.” (That’s a good one and pretty much describes a verbal abuser.)”
You can read the rest of the article here: http://familyfusioncommunity.com/2013/11/04/words-words-words/
Respect & Marriage Boundaries & Freaks
I’ve talked a lot about marriage, respect, and the marital wheel of bliss in previous blogs and it’s about respecting your husband and your marriage. I don’t even begin to pretend I am a marriage expert but I have learned from my numerous mistakes! Lately, however, I’ve been thinking about others respecting the marriage boundaries. I was speaking with a friend the other day and she was telling me about her ex husband. She related to me that they were having a lot of problems and that as they were trying to work it out, he began receiving texts from a couple of single gals he worked with. She felt that was highly inappropriate for a married man. There may be some who will disagree but I think it is inappropriate too. I feel that if you have close friendships with the opposite sex it opens a door for trouble ESPECIALLY if you are having problems in your marriage.
Moving on, it got me to thinking about the single girls doing the texting. It feels as if the enemy is attacking marriages. Look at the statistics about broken homes, divorce, and remarriage. Remarriages have a much lower chance of surviving so I personally think there has to be strong boundaries set around your marriage. Why does it seem that when ladies see a wedding ring on a guy’s finger they see it more of a challenge and not an “off limits” sign? Does it make them feel better about themselves that they can get a supposedly committed man away from his commitment? Does it make them feel powerful to get a married man to flirt with them? It may say a lot about the man involved but it screams a lot about the woman to me. At any rate, my husband and I had a situation that arose a few years ago from a single gal and I’m going to share the story and how I handled it.
My husband received a message on facebook from a girl he had went to high school with and knew only as an acquaintance. She was asking him about another girl he had dated. He showed me the message and we decided he would msg her back and ask why she was asking. This gal proceeded to respond with how she had a huge crush on my husband back in high school. How this other girl had gone behind her back and went out with him because she herself wanted him. She talked about how gorgeous she thought he was then and then went on and on about how gorgeous he was now. I read the msg and it pissed me off! This crazy freak lived several states away and it wasn’t like I was worried in any way but if you are on our facebook page you can easily see that my husband is a family man with pictures of me and our kids plastered all over the page. Yet, instead of commenting for all to see, she wants to send him private messages of how she is still crushing on him. He said he would immediately delete her from his friends in which I agreed but I told him to wait first. I decided to send her a msg on his behalf and this is what I sent. (note that I did not act like a jealous freak or cuss her out; a fact at which I am prod of seeing as to how angry I was.)
“Why in the world would you say some thing like that to a married man and especially to a married man with children?
Don’t get me wrong! This is not about me being worried about my marriage or anything, it’s just that it is very
inappropriate on your part.
Obviously your lack of respect for marriage and family values would lead me to the conclusion
that you are also lacking in character.”
I signed my name and hit the send button. (Hehehe!) I still chuckle about it a little bit. I can only imagine her face when she read it and surprisingly (I’m being sarcastic) we never received a reply from her! What could she say really?
I share this to say protect your marriage period! 1Corinthians 15:33 “Do not be deceived: Bad company ruins good morals.”
families unbroken 