As a biomom or stepmom, do you ever struggle with jealousy or envy. I have gotten numerous emails from struggling moms that are needing help with this issue. Some have had issues with jealousy and envy over the biomom who seemed to have it all. Others have shared with me how they struggle with jealousy over the stepchild or time that their husbands spend with their child. This is causing a lot of chaos and disorder in their homes and within the family. It causes tension between the husband and wife and it causes tension between the mom and child.
One way to deal with this issue is to seek God’s wisdom. For me, that is asking God to allow me to have discernment to see the situation through His eyes.
James 3:16-18, “16 For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind. 17 But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. 18 And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.”
If we seek God’s wisdom then it releases us from the need to compare ourselves to others and desiring what they have. It brings peace and order to chaos when we are not looking over the fence at what others are doing or obtaining. And if we seek to see the situation outside of ourselves and ask to see it through God’s eyes then we will plant seeds of peace to those around us starting with our family. Envy, selfishness, and jealousy leads to dysfunction and disorder but true wisdom that only comes from God leads to peace and goodness and helps to develop integrity.
“True wisdom can be measured by the depth of one’s character.” ~ Dr. James L. Hayes II
7 thoughts on “Stepmoms and Biomoms and Jealousy”
I appreciate your insight into how to deal with the two major forms of jealousy that surrounds blended families. It can be overwhelming when piled on top of all of the other situational dynamics. I never thought I would have these feelings, I never thought it would be so challenging. I am glad to know that I am not alone in my concerns, it can often feel very lonely.
Oh no, you are certainly not alone! It is so true that there are so many dynamics in blended families….exclusively to blended families (such as dealing the the ex). Those not in this type of family honestly have no clue. Just make sure to not beat yourself up. You are entitled to have a myriad of emotions and feelings. The key is to turn them into positive steps toward your family instead of away from them. I really appreciate you taking the time to read my post and comment! Sometimes I wonder if my thoughts and feelings are being portrayed clearly through my words so I really appreciate it.
Thank you so much for your blog. More and more I’m finding it difficult to navigate all the emotions and situations that having a blended family truly entails. Thank you for being bold. I would like to nominate you for the One Lovely Blog Award. If you’ve already participated, great! Know that you truly help this mom/stepmom out during some tough times. Check out my blog to view the nomination! http://www.legosandhighheels.wordpress.com
Thank you so much for the nomination and especially your kind sweet words about my blog. It’s so encouraging to know that someone understands all that goes with a blended family and that it has been an encouragement to you! It also means so much that you would consider me. I will post as soon as I can….
Thank you so much for this Post! This couldn’t come at a better time for me! I’m a new stepmom and don’t have kids yet of my own so it had definitely been a learning curve for me. I often feel find myself feeling this way and think I’m crazy for it. My husband is obsessed with his 5year old son and rightfully so bc he is an amazing child! And I love him emensley! It’ can be very challenging at times finding the “balance” in our home when my husbands son is with us. I often feel left out, misunderstood, taken for granted, and disregarded. Sometimes even unintentionally disrespected by both him and his son. My husband allows things that he thinks is cute or funny but at my expense. It’s very hurtful at times. It feels very lonely and makes you feel closed off. This is the first time I have ever openly talked about this aside from trying to communicate this to my husband. It’s nice to come across posts like these! You have no idea how much it helps people like me who feel like you have no one that understands! Thank you.
Thank you for taking the time to share your heart. You are right that it takes a lot of time to find balance in this new family dynamic. It sounds that although you understand and love your stepson, you feel that you are not a priority quite often but that you feel guilty for wanting to be a priority. I think that if you are remarried with kids, whether they are biokids or stepkids, that God should be first, marriage second and then the kids. This is not to take away from the kids but to actually strengthen the kids. They have already gone through divorce and the break up of their home, their parents etc…. The last thing they need is to go through it again. They need an example of a committed, healthy, loving relationship. It gives you security that you are loved and gives them security that ya’ll aren’t going anywhere. The problem is all the other messy emotional stuff that goes along with it like the false guilt a bioparent feels because their child has had to go through so much. They may also be fearful that the child will not love them as much if they make their new marriage a priority. It will take time, patience, and especially communication. But the right communication. Please feel free to email me if you want me to go into it a little deeper. email@example.com Thank you again for your kind comments. You are definitely not alone……
Thank you for the much needed advice!! I’m starting to feel much more hopeful. I will definitely keep in touch! 🙂