Priorities, respect, and the marriage wheel of bliss-Part 2

September 21, 2012April 27, 20131 Comment

In my last post I talked about putting God 1st. Today I’m thinking about priority #2, your husband and your marriage. In Ephesians 5:22 NLT it says ” For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord” and in verse 25 it says “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her”. I know most of you have heard these verses numerous times and most of you don’t really like them. You may think that to submit means to bow down and be a door mat. I don’t think that’s what it says at all! I think to submit means to respect, honor, and support. Have you ever noticed that it’s easy for women to love freely? In fact, it’s that love that some times gets us hurt because we do tend to fall in love with all our heart. However, have you noticed how absolutely hard it is as a woman to respect and show honor to our men. It feels almost like we are showing weakness. Now, have you noticed that it is easier for men to show respect and honor to those they value and care for but yet not very easy for a man to love selflessly? To them it may feel like weakness or vulnerability. I trully feel like that is why Jesus commanded husbands and wives the way he did in the bible. Jesus showed his love for the church by serving and loving unconditionally. He ultimately gave his own life because of that love. He commands husbands to love their wives with that kind of love. He didn’t need to command them to respect and honor because that was something that comes more easily as a man. Jesus commanded wives to respect/honor/support their husbands because there was no need to command them to love selflessly because that comes easier for us! So now get your boots on cause we are going to dig deep now and talk about respecting our husbands!

Emeron Eggerich, author of the book, Love and Respect (which is a great book btw), says “Women need Love. Men need Respect. It’s as simple and compicated as that!”

I have learned the hard way by making mistakes in my previous marriages that love and respect go hand in hand like the pic above shows. It’s like a cycle or wheel. Love feeds respect feeds love and your wheel is turning and moving forward. Ego, to feel he is successful, great, needed is a very deep need in a man’s life. The nesting instinct, to make a place for her to belong and be herself and loved unconditionally is a very deep need in a woman’s life. Respecting, honoring, and supporting your husband feeds this need in him. My husband, when I met him, was beat down to an all time low. He was trying to start over but so far was floundering, hurt, and confused. I started supporting him and telling him that he was a good man, that he was strong and smart and capable. He went back to school. It was hard and we had to sacrifice but I knew that in order for our marriage to work, he had to feel like he could succeed. He had to feel good about himself and feel that he could provide for us. The more he provided for us and felt more confident about who he was, the deeper his love grew for me and it showed because I helped him get there. I helped him be better. The deeper his love shown for me, the stronger I felt that he was the greatest man in the world. He would tell me (and still does all the time) how wonderful I am, how much he loves me and how beautiful I am. Ladies, he tells me I’m beautiful even on the days I felt dirt was more beautiful. I feel more and more safe and loved not matter what. Do you see the wheel turning moving moving forward as one feeds the other? That is the marriage wheel of bliss and when that is turning in the right direction, your marriage is going in the right direction. Jesus knew exactly what the heart of the matter was when He talked about wives and husbands. You make your husband a priority by respecting and supporting him. You make your marriage a priority by working on keeping your marriage wheel of bliss turning in the right direction. In the blender, that is more important because statistics show that subsequent marriages are much more likely to fail than the first. Making your marriage a priority makes you stronger for your kids.

In my next blog I am going to talk about abuse and how love and respect are NOT a part of that! The above only works if you are married to a good person!

Priorities, respect, and the marriage wheel of bliss- Priority 1

September 15, 2012April 27, 2013Leave a comment

I think priorities in life are very important. They help keep you in your lane in this race of life. They help keep you focused and running in the right direction. I feel that priorities are that much more important in the blender because of the different dynamics already going on in the mix. I think family priorities should be:

1. God

2. Spouse/marriage

3. Kids

4. Work/friends/anything else you want to fill in the blank

Today, lets focus on priority #1. I strongly feel that as a Christian, God should be your first priority. It can be very hard to do this, I know. You have the husband, the kids, the job that demand every thing from you, so how can we possibly put God first? Well, actually, I think it is more simple than you think. Psalm 119:15 “I meditate on your precepts and consider your ways.” As a christian I believe you have the Holy Spirit living inside of you. (1 Cor 3:16 NLT says the Holy Spirit, whom you received from God, lives in you.) That tells me to really listen to that voice inside of me that’s telling me whether this feels right or not. You have heard the expression “go with your gut”. Well I feel that God through the Holy Spirit is my gut. Yep, sounds a little weird but think about it…it makes sense! Another very easy way besides listening to the Spirit in your heart is to memorize scripture and repeat it to yourself during those difficult times. I struggle with anxiety and have since I was in high school. Some times I feel I have victory over it and some times it rears its very nasty horrible ugly head! During these times I have found that if I repeat some verses that mean a lot to me, it helps me to get through that anxious moment. (this for me is meditating on His word) One of my favorite verses is Joshua 1:9 “This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (If you really want to have a good time, read Joshua 1:7-9!) Another thing that will help put God first is PRAYER! When I first wake up in the morning before my feet hit the floor, I say a prayer. It isn’t a long drawn out thing, just a quick prayer for me to get my day started, to pray for mine, my husband’s, and my children’s day. If you read in Luke 18 about the Pharisees you will find that although they were very well respected in society, they were also very self righteous and viewed themselves better and more “spiritual” than every one else. To put God first in your life does not mean for you to be a Pharisee (just practicing religion). It is not about showing up every time the church doors are open, praying the loudest, or knowing the most scripture. It is about meeting God right where you are in your little corner of the world. Keeping Him in the forefront of your mind and letting him quietly lead you in your heart. It’s living up to the potential he created you to be. (for more of that refer to my previous post “Great Expectations”) Everything else will follow according to His path if you just start where you are…. Next post is about Priority 2 (marriage) Yikes!

Great Expectations

September 5, 2012Leave a comment

Some times I struggle. Haha I bet you’re thinking duh, we all struggle. That is true, we all do. However, let me explain further. I’m not talking about being a blender mom. Yes, that has its set of struggles but I’m talking about being a mom, being a wife, being a Christian woman, that is where I struggle too. Where is my place in this world? What is my true idenity? What is God’s purpose for me in this life? I know you have often asked those questions to yourself like I have. Here are some things to think about when you find yourself wrestling with this issue as we all will at times. First, God gave you everything you need to be great when He made you!! Read Psalm 139, the entire chapter declares this. Then read 139:13-16 You were made complex and awesome! Do not underestimate this! Next, is a verse that I heard taught about in a message by Diane Wilson. Look up Genesis 1:27&31 of the amplified Bible. Take hold of those words in vs 31 “and He approved it completely”. You were approved of completely when you were made! I was made to think by a marriage in the past that I was somehow made wrong. I could not say the right things and do the right things without provoking rage. I became broken in my soul. I was told day in and day out that I was not smart or capable. I was slowly taught to not trust myself and in turn to not trust the Holy Spirit living in my heart. I came across Psalm 139 one day. I had heard it before but never really took it in. God reminded me that day that He does not make mistakes and He did not make a mistake when he made me. Study His word and know that he made you with a purpose in mind, so expect more of yourself than what other people in your life that may be trying to drag you down make you think you are not capable of doing. Expect more from God too, the One who made you! God’s plan for you is not some great difficult trial. It is as simple as taking what you love and are good at and using it for Him. I love being a mom and creating a home and memories for my children are very important to me. I feel it is my purpose in life to raise these children that God has given me to love Him in a powerful way. It is to help them realize that He made them complex and awesome too. Guess what? It is those simple desires that God created in me that I feel He wants to use. When you are looking for your purpose in life, start simple, right where you are. What are some things that you love to do or feel you are good at? Then ask yourself how could you use that for His glory?

“Trusting God completely means having faith that He knows what is best for your life. You expect Him to keep His promises, help you with problems, and do the impossible when necessary.”
― Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth am I Here for?

Jesus was from a blended family.

August 21, 2012April 27, 20131 Comment

Sermon from 1995 by Jeremiah Wright Jr on blended families:

A Home Where God is Honored

I submit to you that not only does God have a lot to say on this subject of blended families, but that among the first things God says is, “Yes, I understand because my Son was part of such a family. I have a whole lot to say about such families. Look at the home where I placed my Son, and hear what to say to the church about blended families.” The home where God placed his Son was a blended family: Jesus had four brothers and several sisters (Matthew 13:55-56). God was Jesus’ Father; Joseph was the stepfather. “The home where I placed my Son,” says God, “is a home where I was honored.” In a home where God is in control — I don’t care what the configuration of your blended family — I’ve got some good news for you. If you listen to the voice of God and not to what the people say, you’ll be all right. In a home where God is in control, if you worship at the house of God like the Lord’s parents did every time they had an opportunity, if you model and teach the will of God so your children and your stepchildren can talk with their teachers about important issues of life, then you won’t have anything to worry about. Everything will be found and kept in divine order because God will take care of you.

Transitioning and Summer Fun

August 13, 2012April 27, 2013Leave a comment

Summer time is very different for blended families! Sometimes it means you are all together for a longer extended period of time or that the house is more quiet because one or more of the kids are with the other parent. We have three different schedules for our 3 kids posted on the fridge all year long but even then I get the pick up or drop offs confused from time to time. However, having this posted, the kids know exactly when and where they are going to be and that seems to help. If you are a new blender then just letting the kids know when and where they will be helps them so much. In the beginning for us, one of the kids would cry when we picked them up but after a couple of days they were perfectly happy. Sadly, it was because the other parent would not prepare the child in any way for the transition. I think it made the other parent feel loved more if the child cried to leave and/or stay. Sound familiar? We can’t change the other parent but being the most steady and stable for your kids can help them transition and grow. The first few summers, when we did have all the kids, we did not have alot of money. Divorce, re-marriage, and attorney fees saw to that. There are however, so many low cost amazing things to do with the kids (blended family or not) that help with the family bonding experience. I thought I would share a few of the things we did to give ideas. Parks are amazing for low budget fun. We of course for an afternoon would head to a local park but we also took it a step farther and started an annual family park fun day. The week or so before school starts we start in the morning and go play at as many local parks as we can fit in a day.

The first year we went to 4 parks that dayand had a picnic lunch at their favorite. The next year we tried to beat that by going to 5 to play but only made it to 3 because one of the kids got sick (hey that’s life)! We also went on a train ride. There are train stations all over and their website lists several day trips. It cost us $50 for a family of 5 round trip and the kids still talk about it. We also had a family water balloon fight. It costs very little for balloons and water guns and we had a lot of fun chasing each other around shooting and squealing. This last suggestion may be limiting to your area but had to throw it in because it is so cool. We have a planetarium within an hour drive. Their astronomers set up their telescopes in different places one night a month for star and planet gazing and it’s completely free to take the family out and let them see through these huge telescopes and also they teach the kids about what they are seeing! These are just a few ideas but their is so many memory making things you can do! Of course, every family should do this but I think it is so important to make precious memories with your blender family! “A family is a place where principles are hammered and honed on the anvil of everyday living.” ~ Chuck Swindoll