Sometimes when I’m reading or listening to a speaker, a phrase will leap up at me. I love this because many times it’s a new thought that will change my thinking or change my spirit. Or sometimes it’s a reminder of how far I’ve come or the choices I’ve made.
I was reading a book the other day and it had a scripture attached to the point the author was trying to make and the words in the verse seemed to leap off the page at me and wrap around my heart.
You did not choose me. I chose you. John 15:16a
The theological context is that Jesus is telling us that we were chosen to be a living testimony as we follow Him. And in the next verse, vs. 17, it tells us to love each other.
It got me to thinking. Doesn’t this describe the choice we make to become a stepparent? When I met my husband and his son, I had a choice to make. I could continue in a relationship with him leading to marriage and gaining a stepchild because they were a package deal or I could walk away.
In other words, we chose our stepchildren by choosing to continue a relationship with their mom or dad. But when you think about it, our stepkids didn’t get the same choice. They don’t get the choice of walking away. Sometimes this can be delicate territory and can sometimes create hostility between stepparents and stepkids. If you are experiencing some struggles right now, try to remember this and work to extend grace and love to them.
They say a marriage takes work by making the choice to love and to stay with that person each and every day. With blended families it is more intricate because we not only make the choice every day to love our spouse, but also to love their child or children as well, a commitment to stay and to love them each and every day.
Being a Stepmom or Stepdad is hard but so rewarding. I can imagine a conversation between a stepparent and stepchild like this: “I know it’s hard and you may even wish your mom and dad were still together. I know you didn’t choose me to be your stepmom/stepdad, but guess what, I chose you! I chose to love you both with all my heart and I’m so glad I did.”
You did not choose me. I chose you.
Yes I did! And I am so blessed and thankful every single day.
8 thoughts on “Dear Stepmom/Stepdad: You Made the Choice”
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Yes what a great concept! We are the only people who have a choice in the situation. And for a child to know you CHOSE them over anything else- singlehood, childless relationships. I just started a new blog- let me know what you think! http://thefruitsofthespirit.com/2017/08/15/others-day/
Thank you! It can truly bring comfort when trying to cultivate a relationship with your stepkids to let them know of the choice you made for them. It helps to bring about a bit of stability in this very unstable situation, especially at the beginning. Thanks for taking the time to read it.
This is a mature approach and I wish so hard I could choose my stepchild. For several reasons I just can’t and is agony in our marriage. My need to protect my own kids and myself override all logic. I
I’m honestly very sorry to hear that but thank you for your honesty. It’s hard to not feel protective over your own but it can also send a constant message to your husband’s heart that you don’t trust him to love you enough to make your family work and that you don’t love and are not committed enough to let go and allow yourself and your kids to be loved and open your heart to loving his child as well. In other words, you may be a family but your are missing out on a possibly bigger blessing and greater joy.
Fantastic guidance and I have not verbalised it this clearly to myself. The impact is exactly as you say it is. The fact is I only trust myself and have not let go in trust. Thanks for writing back.
You are right … and verbalised what is going on. A very good way of looking at things. I haven’t let go and only trust myself. And he is a good man. Thanks for writing back.