Unworthy: Does Anyone Else Feel Like I Do?

Today was the first Easter Sunday I have not been able to physically be in church. I’ve cried a lot this morning. And prayed. And worshiped. And thanked God for loving me anyway. And cried. And prayed. And worshiped. Well, you get the picture. It is my sad cycle. It is the swirling of overwhelming emotion and persistent thought that sometimes makes it way straight to my heart. I am unworthy. I’m not just talking about being unworthy to be a child of God. I’m talking about unworthy to be a mom, a wife, a woman….a person. Worthless.

I’ve had an invisible illness for nearly six years but the doctors didn’t know what it was. After a year and a half, I didn’t know it wasn’t gone completely, just in remission until I relapsed just over a year ago. This time, I was lucky enough to get a diagnosis. Spontaneous Mal de Debarquement Syndrome or MdDS for short.  MdDS has spread it’s ugly tentacles into every single corner of my life. Because of it, I wrestle with severe anxiety when my symptoms are high.

Being confined at home, not able to be free and independent as I’ve been most of my adult life has settled in my spirit as a dark bleakness that at times, such as today, has made me feel smothered with worthlessness.

So I tuned in to church live online. The song “Is He Worthy?” was playing, a song based on Revelations 5.

But no one in heaven or on earth or under the earth was able to open the scroll and read it. Then I began to weep bitterly because no one was found worthy to open the scroll and read it. But one of the twenty-four elders said to me, “Stop weeping! Look, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the heir to David’s throne, has won the victory. He is worthy to open the scroll and its seven seals.” Revelations 5:3-5

And tears began to run down my cheeks. Because when you really think about it, we are all unworthy. There is no one worthy. But today, the very day we celebrate the most holy of days, the Resurrection of Jesus is a reminder that He is! And His spirit lives in me.

Church

Do you battle with feeling unworthy like I do? Worthless? Less than? Because of ______. You can fill in the blanks with so many things… Sickness. Sin. Shame. Mistakes. Weakness. Pride. Fear. We all have the dark bleakness of our pasts, our insecurities, our pain, our inadequacy waiting to smother us. BUT Christ won the victory and His spirit lives in us if we just accept and believe. He is the light and in Him there is no darkness. We are free to let go of that darkness and make room for everything He stood for like compassion, kindness, acceptance, grace and love.

In Him I am whole. I matter. I am worthy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Real Love And Rainbows

I have seen it all over Facebook and social media along with everyone else; opinions exuberant or angry over the supreme court ruling on marriage yesterday. People practically shouting about God’s judgement while others joyously displaying rainbows shouting back equality with hashtags such as “#lovewins”. DSC_0915

And I believe deeply with every thing in me that love did win, but not in the way you might think. See, for me love won on the cross when Jesus laid down His life for the ones shouting hell and judgement. For the ones shouting equality. For my enemies. For the ones I love most dearly. For all. For me. John 3:16 “For God so LOVED the world that he gave his one and only Son, that WHOEVER believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. One of the most quoted verses in the Bible does not say “whoever believes unless” it says who. ever. believes.

The gospel of Jesus has not changed. It is the same today as it was yesterday. It is that love, that sacrifice that we need to be sharing with the world as Christians. Leading everyone to the cross. Leading everyone to Jesus. I am a follower of Christ because I believe He died and arose again. I believe He is the picture of unconditional perfect love; a picture of God’s love in the flesh.

I love how the pastor of Newspring Church described it in a post:  “Amidst the protest signs, yelling crowds, and political referendums, the simple message of Jesus’ love for you is often drowned out. Never doubt that Jesus loves you more than you could ever know. Jesus doesn’t just love a future version of you; He loves you exactly as you are right now. Jesus’ love for you has no prerequisites or requirements. Even if you hate Him, Jesus loves you and wants what is best for you. Love is at the core of everything Jesus taught. Unfortunately His message of love has been conveniently left out by many who would rather make a point than make a difference  (John 3:16; 1 John 4:8-10; Romans 5:8; Psalm 86:15).”

As I wrote about in my last post, I did take that step of faith toward a speaking ministry. In my message I shared that sometimes you just have to let go and let God be God. Shouldn’t we be leading others to the Cross and not trying to pick and choose what sin we think someone else needs freedom from? Lead them to Jesus and let Him cleanse their hearts from whatever He deems unclean. It is with deep conviction that I say rather than voicing opinions that we simply lead “all who are thirsty” to the only One who can quench that thirst through grace, love, and mercy.

Social media and all over has been lit up with rainbows. I love a quote I saw posted on Instagram by Jackie Hill Perry written by John MacArthur. “Every time you see a rainbow, listen to me, it represents the victory of grace over judgment. What does this world deserve? Judgment. What does it get? Grace because this is the age when God has hung up His bow. The triumph of mercy over wrath, this is the age for us to go to the ends of the earth and tell them of God and His mercy, God and His grace.DSC_0915

But Sunday Is Coming!!

Easter is almost here.  It’s such a special time for Christians.  It’s such a precious time for me.  Here is one of my favorite sermon excerpts from SM Lockridge.

 

1 Peter 3:18 NLT “Christ suffered]for our sins once for all time. He never sinned, but he died for sinners to bring you safely home to God. He suffered physical death, but he was raised to life in the Spirit.”

“The devil has convinced so many people that they are worthless.
Each of us needs to stop and remember the cross—at the cross we will discover our true value—
for it is here that we discover the price God was willing to pay for us,
the depth of His love, and how much we are worth to Him.”
[Roy Lessin]

Thank you Heavenly Father that Sunday IS coming!

Merry CHRISTmas

Nativity

Merry Christmas Eve!  Have you ever noticed how much more accepted it is to mention God in society today but you mention the name of Jesus and the mood quickly changes?  In a book I read written by a celebrity, she kept saying “I pray to the god of my understanding”.  That is what is so sad! It’s an accepted new age belief that “god is everything and everything is god”.  Society has become so focused on not offending others that, to me, they have nothing to believe in or stand for.  I feel that this has caused so many to try so hard to take Christ out of Christmas in so many ways. To me though, the joke is on them because the harder they try the more they are brought back to Jesus.  It’s like the old saying that the more you try not to think about something the more you think about it.  Christmas is all about the birth of Jesus.  The two have become ingrainded over centuries.   You can’t think Christmas without thinking about Christ, even if you are trying to leave Him out.  I encourage you this Christmas to seek Jesus.  If you are unsure or doubting who He is start with More than a Carpenter by Josh McDowell.  He was an atheist who set out to prove that Jesus was just a man. You will seek me and

find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13.  Seek Him! He will give you something to believe in, something to stand for…

Also something interesting..Jesus was in a blended family…please read my previous blog post http://blendermom.me/jesus-was-from-a-blended-family a msg I copied from Jeremiah Wright Jr.

Merry Christmas blessings from my family to yours.

Jesus was from a blended family.

Sermon from 1995 by Jeremiah Wright Jr on blended families:

Lwjas0429

A Home Where God is Honored

I submit to you that not only does God have a lot to say on this subject of blended families, but that among the first things God says is, “Yes, I understand because my Son was part of such a family. I have a whole lot to say about such families. Look at the home where I placed my Son, and hear what to say to the church about blended families.” The home where God placed his Son was a blended family: Jesus had four brothers and several sisters (Matthew 13:55-56). God was Jesus’ Father; Joseph was the stepfather. “The home where I placed my Son,” says God, “is a home where I was honored.”  In a home where God is in control — I don’t care what the configuration of your blended family — I’ve got some good news for you. If you listen to the voice of God and not to what the people say, you’ll be all right. In a home where God is in control, if you worship at the house of God like the Lord’s parents did every time they had an opportunity, if you model and teach the will of God so your children and your stepchildren can talk with their teachers about important issues of  life, then you won’t have anything to worry about. Everything will be found and kept in divine order because God will take care of you.