Guest Post: Chiari’s Plan God’s Plan

To end Chiari awareness month, I have a few devotional thoughts on Chiari from some of my fellow moms. This was written by Jani. Not very long after Luke’s surgery, I was introduced to her at our church. Her daughter had just got the diagnosis. This is how she explains:

September is Chiari Malformation awareness month. Last September I would have not been able to tell you what that meant or why it was important. I saw no Facebook friends lit up with purple, no posts, no ribbons. This year, the word awareness takes on a whole new meaning for myself and my family. My 7 year old daughter Willow has been suffering from horrible headaches for years, headaches we were told were migraines. She has suffered from horrible insomnia, trouble swallowing, and random dizzy spells. When the constant calls from school got to be overwhelming, we finally demanded more answers about her headaches.
IMG_2905What followed was a whirlwind of experiences we never thought we’d have. Earlier this year we were told that she has Chiari Malformation. Huh? What in the world is that? Probably not anything to worry about we were told, but we need to have another MRI. That MRI turned into a consult with a surgeon, which turned into an appointment for my baby girl to have brain surgery. What you should know about me is that I am a planner. I like things to be predictable, orderly, and solution-focused. Suddenly I was tossed into the realm of the unknown; fearful, scared, and wondering how in the world we had gotten here. I would like to tell you that my first instinct was to rely on God, but it wasn’t. I went to the dark side pretty quickly, focused on the fear and worried for my girl. I am blessed to belong to a church where I serve with wonderful people, one of whom happened to have a son going through this very thing. We were put in contact with each other, and to say I probably annoyed the heck out of her with my questions was probably an understatement. It was that first point of connection, one of the more clear moments where I heard God say, “I’ve got you.”
I have learned that God made Willow a fighter, a fighter who had absolute trust that God would make her better. What I have learned is that all my planning means nothing compared to His plans. His points of connection are miraculous. The way He put me in touch with the people I needed, the way my daughter was a zombie in the hospital until her big brother showed up and she lit up with the biggest smile, the only smile, I’d seen in days. The way that He orchestrated us to live here, with the best medical attention we could get. I was slow in getting there, but this journey has shown me that I have to rely fully on God, because it really is all in His hands. In Jeremiah 29:11 it says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” When facing a silent disorder with no cure, plans for a hope and a future are the most comforting thing to have. I cannot wait to live out the way He has worked in our family, because I see the seeds of it sprouting even now.
Today she is 9 weeks post-surgery, with only one headache to speak of since then, no numbness in her limbs, and a Willow chiari 3happiness I wish I could put adequately to words. How blessed we are to see her discover life without the pain she had been dealing with for so long. What does purple mean for me? Sure it means Chiari and this thing we will always be aware of. But it also means hope and a future, and connections that only God can make. It means power and renewed faith. Purple is the color of royalty, so I suppose it’s a good thing I have a direct line to the King.

When You are So Overwhelmed, There are No Words

rock blog photo 2I haven’t posted in a while. My emotions have been so overwhelming that I literally have had no words to describe them. Which I’m pretty sure is bad for a writer. Words, for me, have always been an emotional outlet; expressing and processing my feelings; a way to scream while remaining silent. Lately I’ve been drowning in fear, worry, shock, determination, and focus with no way to get an extra breath except…….One.

Romans 8:26 “And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.” (NLT)

It is so much comfort to me that as a child of God, I don’t have to find the words. I don’t have to articulate the storm inside my heart, the raging in my mind. My Heavenly Father knows.

He is my comforter. 2 Corinthians 1:3 “All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.”

He is my strength and my help. Psalms 28:7 “The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.”

He is my hope. Psalms 71:5 “O Lord, you alone are my hope. I’ve trusted you, O LORD, from childhood.”

He is my rock. 1 Samuel 2:2 “No one is holy like the Lord! There is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God.”

My previous post was about my son. The tests results have come in and we met with the neurosurgeon last week and my little guy will be having decompression brain surgery at the end of January for his chiari malformation. As I have said before, I am so grateful that this has been found while he is young and has not had to suffer, but I have also, as a mom grieved for my son. My heart has ached for what he is facing. I have cried out of fear of the horrible spiral of “what ifs” that could happen.

I don’t want him to go through this. I am scared about so many things but it has been during this time that I have felt God’s closeness more than ever before; His presence touching every aspect of our life; our Comforter, our Strength, our Help, our Hope, our Rock.

rock blog photo 2

It Is Well: How God is Teaching Me About His Glory Through My Son

It is Well My family and I have been going through a very scary time with my youngest son. He has had some medical symptoms that have seemed to get worse. We were told a year ago he needed rest and hydration when he would wake up so weak he could barely lift a cup or spoon. The “spells” would only last a day or so and then he would go months without another. In between these times he has had headaches and dizziness but these too have been sporadic.

His most recent spell was just over a month ago. The pediatrician did a full blood panel workup. All of his tests came back normal so she referred him to a neurologist, who ordered an MRI. The next thing I know, I get a call that my 10 year old is being referred to a pediatric neurosurgeon for evaluation of possible brain surgery. The diagnosis is chiari malformation I. Here is a link with info about this abnormality to save you the trouble of googling it: http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/chiari/detail_chiari.htm . He saw the neurosurgeon this past week and I will get to that later in this post.

The myriad of emotions that we all experienced during the days of waiting for that appointment are nearly indescribable. My little guy was actually relieved that there was an explanation for the way he had been feeling. For me, I was terrified of what he might have to endure and so unbelievably grateful that it was found early all at the same time! I posted, shared, text, and emailed asking; begging for prayer for my son! God created my son and my prayers was that He would press His divine knowledge into that surgeon to know what was best for him.

Everyone kept saying “I’ll be praying for him and your family”. Every time I heard that reply I would nod gratefully or post thank yous and please dos, seemingly calm but inside I was screaming! YES PRAY PRAY PRAY FOR MY SON! Don’t just say it because it is a challenging difficult time for us and you don’t know what to say. This is my son; this is my baby. This is something that has no cure. This is something he will have to live with; an invisible illness that to the outside world may seem completely made up. This is an absolute significant diagnosis that breaks my heart for him! So please please please do not carelessly fling out the most overused religious phrase known today “I’ll be praying for him” THIS IS MY LIFE, THIS IS MY SON AND I’M BEGGING YOU TO MEAN IT! PRAY WITHOUT CEASING!

During this time I would go to work and alternate between inward anxious thought spirals and outward quiet tears. I love the fact that I can listen to music while working. I would play songs of comfort and one song kept showing up in my mind, in my heart, and deeply in my spirit…. “It Is Well With My Soul” by Horatio Spafford. (The story behind this song is astounding.) The words began to minister to me. I added a new prayer to my initial prayerful cries to God for my son. I began praying that I would bring glory to Him even during this overwhelming, frightening experience, praying that even my fear would still bring Him glory. I Corinthians 10:31 “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

It is Well

It started to have an effect on me. I began to feel more at peace in the midst of fear and calm in the midst of confusion as I slowly began to accept whatever we would face with this deeply heartfelt knowledge that God really loved my sweet boy and no matter what it would be okay.

Wednesday came and I found myself staring into the kind, wise eyes of the surgeon. He said that surgery is to only restore cerebral flow if it is impeded by this condition. Based on the MRI, there seemed to be enough space for cerebral flow and surgery most likely will not be needed at this time. He ordered a spinal MRI and flow studies to be done next week to confirm this. This is so incredibly reassuring and solidifies that those prayers from all of us have already begun to work in my son. And I will say this without any hesitation what so ever and scream it: TO GOD BE THE GLORY! And yes please please please keep those prayers coming!