Time Is Ticking Away

August 11, 2014Leave a comment

pool blog pic We are on a two week vacation at the home of my husband’s family. I’ve never been on vacation for more than a week before but I am loving it…for the most part. “For the most part” because even though we have a week left I can’t help but dread the moment when our time here will run out and we will have to say goodbye and head home. I just know these seven days will fly by so quickly that I can’t even relax and enjoy this time as much as I should, giving adage to the saying “time flies when you’re having fun”.

I’m watching m pool boys y boys giggle and laugh as they play and splash in the pool while the last drops of sun mingle with the twilight that is creeping into the corners of the yard. They have been in the water more than they have been out since our arrival. I’m enjoying their playing now but will not when I hear their groans and protests as I tell them it’s time to come in and settle down for the night.

Time is ticking away. It is not just time with family we haven’t been able to visit since 2010. It’s time off from work. It’s time with my husband. But most of all, it’s extended time with our children. Summer for blended families is, well, different, for lack of a better word. In our situation this particular summer, it can be a very precious gift of extra quality time before school starts. For other stepfamilies, it is a fight for extra time or a big ordeal of working with the other parent to organize time. My heart breaks for the latter.

All this planning and worrying over time has got me to thinking how we have so many opportunities of precious time such as weekend time, summer time, night time, afternoon and so on with our kids, our spouse, our families but let other things excuse away that time. My husband and I work very hard to spend one on one quality time with our kids. There have been times where that priority took a back seat because of work etc… So as it has gotten more difficult we have tried to be more deliberate in our efforts. I found this quote and it really does remind me that time is precious. It’s also time for me to wrap this up and time for my boys to get out of the pool.

“My family is the most important part of my life; I could not imagine my life without any of them, yet too often I find myself saying, ‘Not now,’ and then realizing much too much later that later is too late.” ~Marie Leslie

What’s So Great About 4?

September 6, 20136 Comments

Earlier this summer, I was driving down the road on the way to the grocery store, listening to the radio when the overly zealous radio DJ announces that if you are the 10th caller your name will be entered in a drawing to win a family 4-pack of tickets to go see an upcoming show at the local coliseum. I get to the store and begin my grocery shopping. I head for the meat department to check out the sales. I notice that there are packs of fresh ground meat hamburgers all conveniently made into large patties in packs of 4. I chug home after finishing the task of grocery shopping, put things away and finally sit down and grab my laptop. Although we had already had an amazing beach vacation at the beginning of the summer, I wanted to look up some prices for a possible trip toward the end of the summer. I go to the various websites and search the packages and specials. There is countless, and I do mean countless deals on theme park tickets, food, and lodging for (you guessed it) a family of 4. Deciding that we did not have enough money I started looking into alternative options for the summer. A local water park at a lake 20 minutes from our home was running a special for a summer pass at an amazing deal for a FAMILY OF 4! After this happened for the 4th time (pun intended) that day I started to ask myself, is society trying to tell us something? There are so many deals and so many specials geared toward the family and every single one of them for family is limited to 4! It seems there are so many differences of opinion out there about families and the ones that society seems to want to force upon us is referred to as being politically correct. Is it that perhaps if you are a family of 4 you are politically correct and the ones that have less than or in my case, more than 4 are politically incorrect? I can’t help but ask the obvious question here; what’s so great about 4? Is that society’s way of reminding us at every turn “ok you have 2 children, you’re done now”?! Maybe, if you are a family of 3, well I guess it might not be too bad, you can bring a friend.

I asked my husband how he felt about the subject with all the family deals, coupons, or specials are geared toward families of 4. He said that society certainly seems to be biased toward families that have 2 kids. He says he feels like it is inconsiderate to the larger families and I am going to have to agree. Wouldn’t it seem that if you have more than 2 kids would you not need the discount and specials that much more because you have more mouths to feed? Seriously what are these companies thinking? “sorry but we only have 4 passes kids so pick a number between 1 and 10 to see which one of you has to sit this one out”! It seems that we are seeing more and more blended and expanded families these days. I think it’s time we changed the standard! Who’s with me??

Psalms 127:3-5a “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.”

Knowing, Learning, and Life-Changing

August 15, 2013August 15, 20133 Comments

This summer has been very busy for all of us so I have not posted as often. We have had trips, sports, work, and different parenting schedules. It’s great because we really do get more extended time together with the kids as a family but it is also more chaotic because we have to figure out who is going where with which parent on this vacation or this trip or that conference. In June, we had the most amazing vacation with my husband’s family but it was over way too quickly. We have had a summer filled with swimming, playing, working on multiplication tables, running, volunteering, piano playing, and praying. We have also had some unexpected conflict changes. One of the other parents has strayed away from the court order and allowed the child to go back and forth this summer whenever they want (which has been wonderful and less stressful) and we have had another parent to take very precious time away from us causing more stress. I am actually looking a little bit forward to school starting just to get back in a normal & hopefully stable routine which is good for all of us. Blended family life is not easy. It is constantly evolving. It is hard work. It is dedicated consistency. It is at times disappointing. It is at times overwhelming. However, to me as a biomom and bonus mom it is the most life-changing love I could have ever known. First, it is a life-changing love for my husband. He has shown the deepest compassion and care for me like I have never had before. He has loved my children with a quiet strength and patience that even they have noticed and responded to with equal love and respect toward him. Watching him work hard to be a very involved loving father to his son. Teaching him to grow into the man God created him to be and life changing for me as I support him in every way I can as he does that. Second, it has been a life-changing love for my bonus son. Loving him like my own and being patient to let him “catch up” and not pushing him to be part of a family that he was not born in to but to grow in to. Loving him as he finds his place in this family as well as know that he is just as equally important as me, his dad, or the other two kids. Third, I have this life-changing love for my children. I have overcome the guilt of the previous destruction of my relationships to be able to forgive their fathers and forgive myself so that I let go of the “control monster” and encourage a deep loving relationship between my children and their dads. I am of the mind that the more I encourage time and a closeness with their dad the more they develop a life-changing love for me because they don’t have to choose. They are free to love us equally.

I have saved the best for last. Most of all I have developed a deeper life-changing love for my Heavenly Father! He has cultivated all this life-changing love in me after putting this little family together. Through all of the craziness of this past year I have grown closer to Him each and every day. Having to depend on Him both emotionally and spiritually, but also physically as well. I haven’t really shared a lot but a year ago my life was turned upside down when it was invaded with episodes of vertigo. This spinning vertigo was short lived however it was replaced with severe motion sensitivity and MAV which basically translates to 24/7 rocking swaying dizziness that waxed and waned up numerous times a day until a few months ago. I had to take a medical leave from my fantastic job because I had to stop driving and take balance/motion therapy to re-train my brain to compensate. The neuro therapist explained that after the few initial attacks of spinning vertigo, my system did not re-set as most would do because of my long history of migraines. Instead it made me super sensitive to motion pretty much making me feel like I am on a boat all the time. With therapy I have slowly regained my balance and now the rocking is very minimal and only noticed occasionally during the day. I also have migraine medication as well as dizzy medication to take in case of an emergency as needed. All of this really put me in an unknown place because I have had to completely depend on others. I have always been so independent and free spirited and that was all taken away for a long while. I have prayed and cried out to God and through all of this I have come to know Him better. I have come to a better understanding that beyond religion God wants me to know Him and that to know him is to love selflessly and to love selflessly is to be compassionate! Jeremiah 22:16 NLT “He gave justice and help to the poor and needy, and everything went well for him. Isn’t that what it means to know me? says the Lord.” I have been studying and loving the book of Hosea right now. Hosea 6:6 NLT ” I want you to show love not offer sacrifices. I want you to know me more than I want burnt offerings.” God wants my heart, not my religion! The more I have come to really know God the more I have experienced life-changing love for Him! The more I have experienced this life-changing love the more compassion He has given me for others far beyond what I have ever known. Showing compassion to others is completely selfless because it is me doing for others with nothing expected in return other than experiencing joy in being compassionate and it has also helped me get the focus off of me. This is why I am sharing all of this in this post. Life is difficult, it is messy and especially so in blended family life and especially if you are also dealing with physical sickness like I have. It is easy to get trapped in yourself, and in your circumstances. If you are struggling with these things too I encourage you to start asking yourself how you can be compassionate and how you can demonstrate it to others.